LOL 02.20.09

This is a little thing we like to call "Dicking Around." Okay, actually we don't like to call it that. If it's called anything we call it "grabbing random pics off the web and putting captions on them." "Dicking Around," really, is a name bestowed by others. Ah well. It's Friday and most of the country has thawed out this week. Lighten up.







Someone took a picture of this otter taking a picture back. Via Digg.


















You know it's true...











This, emphatically, is not porn. To tell the truth we can't remember where it comes from or we'd link and give credit. Forgive us, Lords of the Interwebs. We know not what we blog.

DrinkWeekly 02.20.09

We may not be all that into the Oscars, but they are, after all, an occasion to drink. That's why this week's dissertation on spirits is concerned with what one should drink for the Academy Awards; at a watch party or if need be, alone.

Moet & Chandon is an official sponsor of the event, so you can start with a classic Mimosa; plain old champagne and orange juice. Snore. Even straight champagne has barley enough to kick to get a cheerleader buzzed, so maybe you will want to get creative. "Milk" is nominated for a bunch of awards, why not drink something made with milk, like a Grasshopper or White Russian? If you're rooting for "Slumdog," try Toddy; a sort of fortified wine made from coconut palm that's very popular on the subcontinent. Or, since Toddy can admittedly be tough to find outside the tropics, maybe just pour yourself an India Pale Ale. We've got no idea what Glacier Brew House IPA tastes like, but their marketing materials are freaking awesome.

GrinderMusic 02.20.09

Does anybody remember a band called Nirvana? You know, they were Dave Grohl's band before Foo Fighters. Today is the 41st birthday of the great, late, lamented Kurt Cobain. The plaid fad faded. Pearl Jam decided not to be famous. Soundgarden imploded, and the last Candlebox fan moved out of the house. But the legacy of grunge lives today with the mighty, mighty 'Heart-shaped Box' off InUtero, recorded for the MTV special, "Live and Loud."



"All Apologies," live in 1992, with a weird and mildly creepy intro.



We finish with wondrous "Aneurysm," off the live album 'From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah."

SportsGrinder 02.20.09

This is Maylan Studart, a 19-year-old jockey from Rio De Janeiro who keeps racking up victories. Horse-racing hopes to market her the same way the IndyCar Series has marketed Danica Patrick. We're here to help.

Hey, have you heard? There's huge, huge Tiger Woods news! EA Mobile has previewed the upcoming Tiger Woods PGA Tour game for the iPhone and iPod touch! Oh, yeah... Also the real Tiger Woods is returning to the PGA.

The biggest story in sports continues to be A-Rod, and we continue to be fantastically bored. Reporters have tracked down the cousin he says was involved, investigated the substance he claims to have used, and found new contacts between A-Rod and allegedly dirty trainers. It goes on and on. Wake us when it's over. We're more interested in the news that Jose Guillen pulled off his own toenail. The overwhelming majority of sports fans, especially hardcore baseball fans, aren't under any illusions about juicing in the game and haven't been at least since Raphael Palmerio pointed his finger at Congress. Everyone knows that most baseball players were using back then, because they weren't really being tested. Now, they are being tested, so there is a lot less cheating. (Not none. Just less.)

Please, please don't tell us that the American public will be forced to hear about Barry Bonds, A-Rod, Roger Clemens, et. al., at the top of every sportscast for the next five years. Please. We are all for prosecuting guys who lied under oath to the fullest extent of the law. But we're also looking forward to a time when every nuance of every steroids case isn't reported with the breathless intensity of a moon-landing.

Newsday talked with Rick Reilly, discussing the latter's transition from Sports Illustrated to ESPN; his supposed rivalry with Bill Simmons and an alleged obsession with dentistry. (If In the interview, Reilly comes off as articulate and thoughtful, and makes lucid points about the difference between writing for print and writing online.

But we can like the man while still being annoyed by his cloying prose with it's Clinton-era references and Borscht Belt rhythm. Reilly is one of those writers who thinks that sports, underneath it all, are really about the triumph of the human spirit. We think that sports, underneath it all, are really about eating and drinking at tailgate parties, ogling cheerleaders, and jumping up and down with glee like a moron when your favorite team wins.

The million dollar meat market, the NFL Combine is getting underway in Indy.
NFL Blitz has this look at Workout Warriors who went bust on Sundays. Anyone remember Mike Mamula and Boss Bailey? neither do we.

THE DAILY GRIND 02.20.09 ( NASA, Obama and the Attack of the Shark Attacks)

Next month, NASA is planning to launch the Kepler spacecraft. With the biggest camera ever in space, scientists hope Kepler will allow them to find Earth-like planets in other solar systems. There's a binary-star system withe charming name of "HD 113766," where astronomers think there's an Earth-like planet is forming around one of the stars. Sounds good. With the way things are going on earth, we might ditch this popsicle stand and head for higher ground. Wait… A "binary-star system"? Maybe it's Tatooine!

Let's see... Since Obama has taken office, North Korea has announced that it plans to test a new Taepodong-2 missile capable of reaching the United States. Russia has gotten Kyrgyzstan to shut down a U.S. air base. Iran, meanwhile, met Obama's open hand of friendship with demands that the US "apologize for 60 years of crimes," and now the announcement that they have enough uranium to build an atomic bomb.

Are we sure the rest of the world loves us now that Bush is gone?

Shark attacks dropped to their lowest level in five years worldwide last year, Reuters in Miami is reporting. The study claims the recession has cut the time people spend at the beach, reducing the number of people getting bit. Except in Sydney, Australia, where environmental protection of beaches has created a cleaner environment that's attracting sharks and increasing attacks. Which seems like a pretty good argument for keeping beaches dirty.

THE DAILY GRIND 02/19/09

The New York Times' Roger Cohen is in Iran. After a half-dozen paragraphs of interesting stuff about the inner-workings of Persian politics, Cohen offers a painfully weak agenda for action. He says Obama "must abandon military threats to Iran’s nuclear program" recognizing the country’s "inevitable mastery" of nuclear power, but securing "verifiable conditions" to ensure they don't use that know-how to make atomic weapons.

Huh? If the United Sates abandons the military threat against Iran's nuclear weapons program what, exactly, is Iran's incentive to not build a nuclear bomb?

Cohen also has fallen prey to the propaganda that every issue in the Muslim world hinges on what happens between Israel and the Palestinians; a dictum which lets the Arab/Muslim world set the agenda, rather than the West. America, he says, tying American's Iranian policy to gaza and the West Bank, must recognize that "terrorist” is an inadequate description "of the broad movements that are Hamas and Hezbollah."

In return? Iran must reciprocate American movement on Hamas and Hezbollah "by ending its military, as opposed to political" support for them." (Not calling us "evil" and "the Great Satan" all the time would be cool, too. ) In other words, Iran can send money to buy Hamas and Hezbollah weapons, they just can't send the weapons themselves. The word "feckless" comes to mind.

The problem we have with Cohen's approach is that it seems based only one concerns about Iran; Iran's worries, Iran's problems, what Iran needs to feel safe and secure. An American writer, arguing for America's best interests in an American newspaper, should operate from the position that human rights and free markets are what matters most.

If feels like Cohen wants the United States to apologize to Iran for something -- probably out supporting the Shah of Iran. Okay, granted. The Shah sucked. But nobody alive now had much to do with that mess, so maybe it's time to let it go. Sure, Iran needs to be respected, but it doesn't need to be coddled. The Islamic Republic is a cruel, repressive regime, and the US doesn't need to apologize to them or anyone else.

After winning at Sunday’s Daytona 500, Roush-Fenway owner Jack Roush was back at his headquarters near Detroit this week promoting his company’s new line of propane-fueled Ford trucks and vans. Although Roush is best known for his NASCAR team and the fedora he wears in the pits, only about 500 of his 3,000 employees work in racing. The rest work on businesses that include engineering projects for the automotive industry -- like these propane conversions.

He is marketing mainly to large business fleets, as propane-powered trucks make the most sense for companies big enough to maintain their own refueling stations. The conversions costs about $9,000 for parts and installation on a Ford pickup and Roush says the cost will justify itself within a year. Propane-powered truck gets the same horsepower and torque as gas engines, but there's an approximate 13 percent drop in fuel economy because propane contains less energy than gas. Then again, wholesale propane prices are about $1 per gallon and propane burns cleaner than gasoline and generally doesn’t need to be imported because it is a byproduct of the oil refining process.

But more interesting than the story itself is the thinking behind it. Sure, propane power is just one alternative, not the solution to all our transportation needs. But it is a solution. In contrast to most businesses in Michigan, Roush is planning to expand. Where others see disaster and beg for government help, Roush sees an opportunity for growth.

“We’re getting ready for the upswing here,” Roush told the AP. “The automobile industry is going to survive. We’re going to morph ourselves into a shape where we can have better market share for the things that we do than we’ve had in the past. And life’s going to be good.”

Yeah, buddy. That's the kind of flinty optimism and can-do spirit Americans are supposed to have, not all the doom and desperation coming out of New York and DC.

SportsGrinder 02.19.09

Cleveland.com reports that the Cavaliers are talking with Phoenix about acquiring Shaquille O'Neal. Rumors abound that the Cavs have offered Ben Wallace and Sasha Pavlovic to the Suns for Shaq. We love the prospect of Shaq and LeBron together down the stretch run. Unfortunately, the trade deadline just passed so now we are depressed again. Sorry King James. 2010 is your year.

Marvin Harrison is expected to be dropped by the Colts. His last two-seasons have been injury-plagued and, as a story in ESPN the Magazine last month described, Harrison has some very shady legal stuff going down.

In the Swedish city of Malmo, Sweden and Israel will play next month's first-round Davis Cup match in an empty arena because of "security concerns." Several anti-Israeli demonstrations are planned in the heavily Muslim city during the series, which will be played March 6-8 at the 4,000-seat Baltic Hall. Add this to the controversy over Israeli tennis players not being to play in Dubai, and you have some creepy stuff happening. The word "Nazi" gets thrown around a lot these days, but in this case it might be accurate.

Has anyone else been following this "Mount Rushmore of Sports" promotion on SportsCenter? Because the thing doesn't quite make sense. The first two states, New York and California, both had Jackie Robinson as one of their four greatest sports figures; which seems a lot like cheating. Then, there is Rick Riley, who has the perfect face for writing. On television, though, he's the old guy who wears a sweater vest to a nightclub and thinks he's hip because he's heard of Justin Timberlake. Ah well, at least it's not Bill Simmons making his endless references to "Teen Wolf and "Hoosiers."

The Grinder doesn't have Mount Rushmore of sports figures. We do, however, have four things in sports we totally hate. It's pretty sweeping and hits major swathes of the population, so feel free to get offended if you are on this list. Just try to remember; it's only sports.

The Yankees
What's not to hate? They win more than everyone else, so everyone else hates them. This is the natural order of things. And, my gosh, the arrogance. Could anything be more annoying? Why yes, actually. The people who live in cities like Boston and Cleveland, have never so much as visited New York City, let alone seen a Yankees' home game, but still root for New York to rebel against the home-team. It's like growing up in Green Bay but being a Bears fan. At that point, you're just being a jerk.

Red Sox Fans
By now, we know the sad story. The onetime lovable losers became insufferable with victory. And the Patriots and Celtics winning championships hasn't helped Boston fans be humble, either. There's a reason you people are called "Massholes."

Duke and all thing Duke-related
Bobby Hurley, Christian Lattener, even going back to Denny Ferry, there's no shortage of whiny Duke players to hate. Then there are Duke fans; mysteriously under the impression that they attend an Ivy League school. And what's with Cameron Indoor? What kind of basketball arena has hardwood panels and brass rails? It's looks like a TGI Friday's in there. You half-expect a waitresses with suspenders and "flair" to serve you nachos.

Philadelphia Sports Fans
Most fans around the league have never been able to root for a quarterback as good as Donovan McNabb. You guys have been trying to run him out of town since got there. You think maybe that abuse has effected his career just a bit, and not in a good way? Maybe with a little fan support, he could have brought you that Super Bowl? Nah. Never mind. Just keep telling yourselves that "tough love" works.

St Louis, MO
All of it; the Cardinals, Rams, Blues, all their fans. The whole city, basically, is undeservedly snotty. Frankly, expect for the Arch, thin-crust pizza and Chuck Berry, there's nothing to be snotty about.

Cubs fans who said last year they "should" win a World Series.
It was pretty amazing, really, how self-assured they seemed to be last season. Have they not been watching the same team we have for the last 100 years?

Tim Robbins
Sorry. He ruined "Bull Durham" for us with at the wacky right-wing conspiracy roles, like Bob Roberts and that one where he played a Klansman, like "Arlington Road." Come on, dude. Where's Nuke LaLouche? We want out Nuke back

The Dodgers and their horrible, horrible late-coming/early-leaving fans.
Except Alyssa Milano. We're not dumb.

LOL: Oscar Frenzy

In Hollywood, everyone worships a little golden man. No, we don't mean Ryan Seacrest. It's almost Oscar® time. We won't watch any of the actual show, of course. Life's too short. We'll just look at all the stars on the red carpet, then flip over to DVR'ed reruns of "Sober House." Love that Shifty Binzer. But just because we won't watch the broadcast, that's doesn't mean don't have predictions. Here are the Grinder's picks for the 2009 Academy Awards.


BEST ACTRESS
Anne Hathaway: Best breasts? Yes. Best Actress will have to wait for another year.
Angelina Jolie: 'The Changeling'? Please. Did anyone that you know see that movie? Who is she kidding with that "This is not my child!!" crap? This nomination is a nod to Jolie's power and popularity, not her single-note acting skills.
Meryl Streep: Love you, worship you. But you've won too many times. Also you must be punished, somehow, for the crime of"Mama Mia!"
Melissa Leo: We have no idea who this woman is. None.
And the award goes to...
Kate Winslet: Here is everything we hate about the Oscars. Winlset will win because she has been nominated five times without winning and bitched about it in Vogue. So, she gets the gold, even though "The Reader" was painfully slow and seemed to imply that being illiterate was an excuse for having been a Nazi.

BEST ACTOR
Frank Langella: Whatever. Frank Calliendo does a better Nixon.
Richard Jenkins: Again, no clue who this man is.
Brad Pitt: The makeup and special effects were the star, not pretty boy.
Mickey Rourke: We all want him to win, of course, because it's a great comeback story. Also the acceptance speech would be a riot. How many times would Rourke get bleeped? But, sadly, it's not going happen.
And the awards goes to...
Sean Penn: While perhaps the most remarkable actor of his generation, Sean Penn is a smug, arrogant, intellectual bully with all the political integrity of an angry freshman at Bennington. It's like he uses up all his likability on-screen.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams: Too hot to play a nun.
Penélope Cruz: Too hot not to play a nun.
Viola Davis and Taraji P. Henson: We are pretty sure that neither of these two women actually exists. Their presence is some sort of elaborate prank by Joaquin Phoenix and Casey Affleck.
And the winner is...
Marisa Tomei: Obviously. The Academy wants to prove it wasn't a mistake when she won for "My Cousin Vinny."

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Robert Downey Jr. Just kidding. Everybody knows who's going to win this one.

BEST PICTURE
The winner is The Dark Knight, of course, even if it wasn't nominated. Because the most popular movie of the year, and one of the most popular in the history of cinema, can't be nominated for Best Picture. That would make too much sense. Does the Academy ever remind you of rock snobs; people who don't like Elvis and the Beatles because they are "too popular"? Apparently, the only way you can make a superhero movie and win an Oscar is if you die before the movie comes out. No, we're not making fun of Heath Ledger. We are making fun of the people who voted for him only because his died.

On the subject of ghouls, can the Oscars® please get rid of that ghoulish montage of all the people who died in the last year? Or, at least ask the audience to hold their applause until it's over, so it doesn't come off as popularity contest that's decided by which dead person gets the most cheers.

Second-place for Best Picture is Gran Torino, which also wasn't nominated. Clint Eastwood makes his first decent movie since "Unforgiven." But instead of being rewarded like he was for dull, preachy crap like "Million Dollar Baby," he gets totally snubbed. Sigh.

Anyway on to the money shot...

The Reader: Hated... this... movie. Hated. White-hot.
Slumdog Millionaire: Sorry, the favorite will lose. The hero, really,was kind of a doofus.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Can't say. Fell asleep midway through. We know it won't win for best editing... Because there wasn't any.
Frost/Nixon: Didn't see it, don't plan to.
And the winner is...
Milk: Of course. Hollywood thinks the best movies are Important Movies, and Academy members will vote for Milk as a "screw you" to everyone else in rhe country over Prop 8.

SportsGrinder 02.18.09

We are trying desperately to avoid the "news" about A-Rod using steroids, but SI.com does have a funny collection of New York newspaper headlines expressing, in their own inimitable way, that they are displeased. We wonder... What if the sainted Derek Jeter had admitted that he juiced (perish the thought!)? How different would the coverage be? You think Giambi got off easy?

The Roger Clemens story will be a lot more fun. That's the big one. A-Rod after all, only lied to the press and public. That's bad. But Clemens, an egomaniac and bully convinced he can fool all the people all of the time, is being investigated for lying to Congress. That's very, very bad. The Rocket may not go to jail, but he will pay millions fighting the case. And, seriously, anyone who thinks Roger Clemens has "more than enough money" has never gotten into a pissing match with the Federal Government.

Texas Tech continues to behave bizarrely towards head coach Mike Leach threatening to fire him if he doesn't sign a contract extension that includes all sorts of weird provisions, stipulations and potential penalties. It's a very weird way to treat the guy who just gave your football program it's best year in 100-something years of existence.


Lil' Wayne is so psyched about writing a blog for ESPN that he got the Worldwide Leader's logo tattooed on his forearm. We admire anyone that fired up about blogging, but aren't that impressed for ESPN. People have been getting Playboy tats for years, decades even.

THE DAILY GRIND 02.18.09

Obama ordered 17,000 additional soldiers and Marines to Afghanistan which, we guess, means that they don't have to be in Iraq anymore. So, that's, um, good news? Probably. Who knows? Afghanistan is whole different deal from the Middle East. First, there's no oil. Secondly, Afghanistan has always been a loose collection of tribes rather than anything like a modern nation-state. A democracy, like the one that seems to be blooming in Iraq, probably isn't a realistic goal in Afghanistan . Not a terrorist training ground is more like what we should be aiming for. Also, it would be nice if we could encourage the locals to let their women out of the house.

Just few thoughts on the End of Days, as people like to pretend this recession is. Some writer for New York Magazine just referred to the current downturn as "The Greatest Depression." Oh, please. We know the Apocalyptic style is part of being heard above the din of blogs, but could we all agree that the sky is not falling and, that somehow, life will go on.

Some stats. In modern times, the average recession has been about 10 months. The most recent two downturns, 1990-91 and in 2001-02, lasted eight months each, and there were two 16-month recessions in 1973-74 and 1981-82. The current slump is in its fourteenth month. bad. But even if it was to last 24-months, the current recession would end in last quarter of this year or early 2010. Very survivable. Yeah, it's tough, but it's not the end of the freaking world. All the hysterical prophecies of doom, in addition to being dumb, only make it worse.

In a TV interview, Bristol Palin says abstinence education doesn't work, which is sort of like Paris Hilton warning people about STD's. The appearance on FOX News coincides suspiciously with the release of an unauthorized biography about her mom, "Trailblazer: An Intimate Biography of Sarah Palin," by Lorenzo Benet.

In the heat of the campaign, of course, Sarah Palin became a cultural touchstone. She was portrayed as a book-banning, abortion-hating, gay-bashing, illiterate, Alaskan separatist. So what stunning revelations are in the new book? The Palins hired a nanny after Trigg was born. Also, Palin once told her husband she was going to Costco, but instead went to a public appearance by Ivana Trump. Shocking! Can someone explain why this stuff is interesting to anyone?

According to friends, Rihanna can't help her deep feelings for boyfriend Chris Brown. Star magazine reports that the singer has stayed in touch with Brown, even though he allegedly beat the crap out of her. "She keeps saying she wants to make sure that he's okay," a friend tells Star. "She thinks this will all just blow over and they can go back to how they were."

Oh, sure. That'll work. Here's the thing, ladies. If a man you love with beats you once, you have everyone's sympathy. If you go back to him and he does it again, you have no one to blame but yourself.

LOL: The "Always look on the sunny side of life" Edition

Are you a recently fired, super-rich, ex-financial guru now forced to live on the measly multi-million dollar bonus he got from taxpayer bailouts? We feel for you. But try to enjoy yourself, despite the devastating sense of failure you must feel. Life isn't all about private jets and golf club memberships. We suggest embracing the simpler things in life; like the crushing sense of doom that will only grow greater as your overpriced lifestyle collapses. In the meantime, the Grinder is looking on the bright side of life with Five Things to Enjoy About the Downturn.

5.Reduced Expectations
American life has always been about ambition, but it's nice to take a break every once in a while, and the crash gives us all a chance to breathe. Right now, far fewer people are feeling bad about themselves for underachieving financially or for having a job they don't like. Basically, anyone who has an income right now is feeling pretty grateful, and gratitude isn't a bad thing. Like, have you eaten at a high-priced restaurant lately? The servers sure seem much, much nicer than they were a few months ago.

4.Watching TV
These days almost anyone can afford a big, bright flat screen and the proliferation of HD channels and services like Netflix have made staying home infinitely more satisfying than just a few years back. (Ask the people who own movie theaters.) Anyway, when you pay three figures a month for cable TV channels, it makes you feel like you are getting you money's worth to sit and watch for a while.

3.Having More Sex
Well, duh. Condoms are, what, a dollar? Less if you buy in bulk.

2.Not Driving Like an Idiot
This one does not apply to our mass-transit loving friends on the East Coast. But for the rest of the country, most of whom drive everyday, you will enjoy the downtimes much better when you stop driving like a moron, 17-year-old, zit-faced leadfoot who thinks racing grandmas to red lights makes his dick big. There is a direct correlation between how you drive and how much money you spend on gas. If, for instance, you always floor the gas pedal the instant a stoplight turns green, you are an idiot, case closed. Then again, maybe this is Darwinism at work. There is, after all, something elegant in the self-regulating nature of the system; bad drivers have no gas money. Never mind. Forget we said anything.

Yeah, we know that's only four and we promised a top five. What can we tell you? Times are tough. We came up one short.

SportsGrinder 02.16.09

You want proof it's slow time for sports? The biggest story we could find is that Allen Iverson cut his hair.

It should go without saying that we have zero interest in the biggest "sports" story of the day, the Alex Rodriguez steroid apology/public flogging/ press conference. It is hard to imagine a more pathetic waste of time than watching A-Rod apologize to dozens of reporters dozens of times, dozens of different ways, while trying not to lie (more) about what everyone knows he (and everyone else in baseball) did. No, wait. There is a more pathetic waste of time. Writing about the press conference, which we are now going to stop forthwith.


Good comedy here. Carrie Underwood is dating the Ottawa Senators' Mike Fisher. Last night she at Nashville's Sommet Center watching a game between Ottawa and the Nashville Predators. During a break, a camera zoomed in on Underwood in a luxury box. Then she did this:




In politics-and-bigotry-intrude-on sports news, people are rightly and righteously pissed at organizers of a women's tennis tournament in the United Arab Emirates. The Barclays Dubai tournament organizing group said Tuesday that "security fears" were behind their decision to bar an Israeli player from entering the country. They said the presence of Israel's Shahar Peer "would have antagonized our fans." Basically, Peer is Israeli so Muslims don't like her, threatened violence and got her visa revoked.

The act brought swift criticism from the Women's Tennis Association and warnings that the Barclays Dubai tournament could be scratched from its calendar. The Tennis Channel also announced it would not televise the tournament in protest, telling The New York Times," This is an easy decision to come by, based on what is right and wrong."

THE DAILY GRINDER : We are still pissed off about the economic stimulus package, except now in a whole new way.

We thought we had gotten over the "stimulus package." But new info is coming to light that makes this legislation even more loathsome in a whole new way. Apparently, the Democratic leadership rushed the final version of bill through House and Senate less than 12 hours after a secretive "midnight conference," a tactic that left even legislators confused about the 1,073-page they were signing. Supposedly, the rush was to meet a tight deadline set by President Obama, but the president took the weekend off and wasn't expected to sign the package until today. What gives?

Basically, the Democratic Congress snuck in more pork. An allocation for high-speed trains grew from $300 million in the House version to $8 billion after the midnight session -- cash that will go towards a high-speed train from LA-to-Las Vegas supported by, coincidentally, Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada. The late-night session also made sure that the bill includes $2 billion for community organizing activities; much of which could go to, yes, ACORN; the controversial, wildly partisan get-out-the-vote group we all recall from the campaign.

Okay. Fine. It's the ancient spoils system with a modern gloss. But the "stimulus" even reverses some of the most popular democratic legislation in American history; Bill Clinton's 1996 Welfare Reform Act. This new bill gives states funds to increase welfare caseloads while lowering the requirement that recipients seek work. That's just a depressing idea.

We can't tell if this bill is what Obama wanted, if he was played by Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, or a combination of both. Whatever it is, we sincerely hope the American people are as pissed off about it as we are. This surely doesn't feel like the "change" most people voted for, and it's as far from transparency as you can get.

At least there is a little bit of good news. Three Atlantic City casinos once run by Donald Trump filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection on Tuesday. Trump Entertainment Resorts made the filing in U.S. Bankruptcy Court four days after the real estate mogul (and his hot daughter) resigned from the board.

Why do we care? Anything that makes Trump looks bad, even a little, makes us happy. But the story also shows why so much of the current economic doom-and-gloom is uncalled for and why, in most cases, capitalism should be allowed to work it's magic. Trump Entertainment Resorts, you see, has filed for bankruptcy three, count 'em three times. Yet, somehow, the slots still run and the cards keep falling.

Look, for instance, at the recent "crises" over Sirius XM. The satellite radio provider was going broke and under attack by rival EchoStar-- endangering our beloved Playboy station on XChannel 99. Now Sirius XM has been "saved" by a secured loan from Liberty Media. What does this mean to the average citizen? Almost nothing, unless you have stock in one of these companies. Problem solved. No bailouts required. Radio keeps coming.

That's how it's supposed to work. Satellite radio is a good product with a strong future, and if the people running XM Sirius can't figure out how to make money from it, they should get out of the money-making business. Let someone with the capital and skills to get things done take over.

These are the lessons we need to remember this tomorrow when the leaders of car companies present their big restructuring plans to Congress. Human beings like automobiles. A whole lot. If the people running GM and Chrysler can't make money selling them, common sense says that they should sell their assets to someone who can.

LOL: The Five Dumbest Things Men Do

We've said it before:" Women are evil and men are dumb. But since we don't feel like getting loads of angry email from the ladies, we are laughing today at the five dumbest things guys do.

5. Drive in a car with a whole bunch of guys hunched way down low.
Yeah, because nothing makes a woman on a sidewalk feel safer than three or four guys leering out of car widows. Unless you are looking to start your own BangBus, if which case you should be in a windowless van, painted grey with dealer tags, this is bad idea. By the same token, why do men ask jogging women if they'd like a ride? Oh yeah. Sure she does. That's why she put on jogging shoes, so someone could drive her around the block a few times. Has "baby, do you want a ride" ever worked, ay anytime for any guy? Has any women ever said "Sure, I was looking for some cardio-, so instead of jogging a few miles I'll just blow you in the back seat"? If she has, we promise she charged for it afterward.

4. Wear a Hoodie Our at Night
Guys, we are depressed about this too, because the hoodie has grown from a utility garment for jocks to the third greatest American fashion innovation of all-time, after baseball caps and tennis/basketball shoes. But if you wear a hoodie to a club, bar, restaurant, party, or out generally, even one with fancy tattoo-ish embroidery, be prepared to have people treat you like a hoodlum. That is where the name "hoodie" comes from, after all. The only way to avoid the stigma is to wear a tie with your hoodie. But then you risk looking like you are auditioning for Blink 182 and nobody wants that.

3. Experience blunt trauma to the head and not fall immediately into unconsciousness and/or a coma.
Hey, all you movie action-heroes in supposedly realistic films, please stop sustaining blunt trauma (like from an iron bar to the jaw), but shaking it off and continuing the chase. Also, at the opposite end of the spectrum, when you stabbed that guy in the stomach with a pocketknife, why did he die in, like, 30 seconds when a wound like that could take hours or even days to be fatal? It really ruins a movie when stuff like that happens. (Side-note to three gentlemen in the theater last evening; "blunt trauma" is not what you get from smoking good weed, although we do appreciate the wordplay

2. Not have Peace on Earth
Guys, seriously. Quit fighting wars and stuff. Come on.

And, finally, the single dumbest thing that guys do...

1. Forget to Floss
No woman, in the vast and sweeping panoply of human history, has ever turned down a man for having breath that was too fresh and clean.

GrinderMusic: The Michael That Should Have Been

With Michael Jackson having turned out so... badly, it's easy to forget the amazing promise of his early career. Check out Michael at the height of his powers and, yes, hipness at Motown's famed 25th Anniversary celebration in 1983. This is the whole performance; with a medley of Jackson 5 hits and Jackson's first-ever public performance of the moonwalk. This is dynamic, intense stuff that was the cutting edge of sound when it came out. Watching it we get a little wistful thinking about the Michael that could/would should have been if thing had somehow been different.




This clip is a really interesting visual study of the roots of modern dance,
specifically the moonwalk, showing Fred Astaire, Bill Bailey, Cab Calloway,
Sammy Davis Jr.and others performing variations on the move.

THE DAILY GRIND: We're getting sick of the bitching

For a guy hired to bring optimism, President Obama didn't seem to mind selling doom and gloom to get his agenda passed. It's hard to avoid feeling like that economic stimulus package wasn't a bill of goods. Or parts of it at least. But, whatever. Maybe the thing will do some good. And now, at least, maybe the apocalyptic warnings from Washington will stop, especially all that "worst crises since the Great Depression" crap. Comparing what we are going through to the Great Depression is insulting to anyone who lived through the real thing and, really, to anyone with an IQ over 12. All the scary statistics about downturn in the world won't change the incredibly obvious fact that people now have a much (much) higher standard of living than people in the 1930's. It's just moronic to compare them.

What's also grinding our gears is how people talk about "the bad economy" in the abstract, like it's a force of nature, and they are simply subject to its whims. The economy may be down generally because of screwed up banks and the housing bubble, but that doesn't mean that smart hard-working people can't get ahead. Despite what the news says, there is still no law against making money. It's galling how the mass-media is a drumbeat of bad news, framing everything in the context of "woe is me" economics.

Like, this awesome Michael Jackson auction. The former singer is auctioning off more than 2,000 items from the estate/amusement park/bait-house formerly known as Neverland Ranch. The auction will include suits of amour,crowns, a golden throne, a personal "Pope-mobile," a full-length, red velvet cape with a detachable faux-ermine collar and a fedora that Jackson wore in the "Billie Jean" video. (No word on the bones of the Elephant Man.)

Is the auction of symbol of the massive bubble that burst? Is the erstwhile King of Pop only a heightened version of our own collective extravagance come home to roost? Nah. The guy was screwed up by a bad childhood and too much adulation as an adult. He isn't a symbol of anything except bad taste.

SportsGrinder 02.16.09

Just a few words about yesterday's Daytona 500, which was dazzling for about 7/8 of the day and then depressingly cut short by rain. It's a travesty, a sham, a mockery -- dare we resuscitate the old advertising catchphrase and call it a "traveshamockery" --- that NASCAR can't run in the rain. The sport clearly needs retractable domes so this kind of thing doesn't happen? Or whatever the guys in F1 run.

The biggest story of the race, for us anyway, was Goodyear, whose secret plan to drive Tony Stewart crazy is working beautifully. . There was also Dale Junior, who missed his pit box four times over the course of the weekend and twice within the race. He pissed off Jeff Burton, which is pretty hard to do, and was in the middle of an incident which wrecked half the field. In his post-race interviews, Junior blamed Vickers for the wreck, implied Burton was wrong, and said the one-lap penalty he got for being outside the pit box was too tough and "we" by which he meant NASCAR, should change it. Dale is likable and has always been a clean driver, but he is also a ten-year veteran who is running out of excuses for not winning.

Finally, we don't care if Gavin DeGraw was replacing Julianne Hough who got sick at the last-minute, blah-blah-blah. DeGraw's was possibly the worst pre-race rendition of the National Anthem of all time and utterly unbefitting an event as big as the Daytona 500. Whether he was trying to imitate Marvin Gaye's famously laid-back rendition at the 1983 NBA All Star game, we don't know. But the way a disheveled McGraw's voice cracked on "land of the free" was not only embarrassing. but depressing. And while we are bitching about music, what would make NASCAR think Keith Urban was a good choice for pre-race entertainment? Yeah, he's country. Kind of. In a greasy, Hollywood kind of way. The guy is an Australian, married to a movie star and has been in rehab for coke. That's not quite the All-American, family-friendly image NASCAR likes to project. Where's Charlie Daniels when we need him?

Oh yeah. Matt Kenseth won the race.

Monday Booklist

Our book this week is the long-awaited, authorized biography of our founder and glorious leader. "Mr Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American Dream" by Steven Watts is a meticulously researched exploration of the vast influence Playboy had had on American culture, describing in precise detail how Hef, let's be honest, led the sexual revolution in postwar America. You will also learn things about Playboy you might not have known. Like that every bathroom in the Mansion is equipped with a bottle of baby oil, bottle of aspirin, and Jergens cherry-almond skin lotion.