Cocktail of the Week: Bombs Away!

Big Hair New Wave pioneers, the B-52's, are touring. Grab some tickets and, beforehand, get hammered on a classic B-52 shot.

Start with coffee liqueur, like Tia Maria or Kahlúa, then slowly pour Bailey's Irish Cream over the back of a cold bar spoon; not disturbing the lower layer as the second is poured on top. Just as carefully, Grand Marnier is poured on top of the Irish Cream, also using the chilled bar spoon.

Or, for a faster version, mix a 1/2 oz. coffee liqueur, a 1/2 oz. of Bailey's and a 1/2 oz. of Grand Marnier in a shaker with fresh ice. Shake gently and strain into shot-glasses, straight up.

Better yet, strain into these chocolate-lined edible shot cups. Just because you can.

LOL: Hamet Gets on Facebook

We wrote a little poem to go with this one:

"To FB or not to FB, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to suffer the pokes and mob wars
of outrageous friends
Or to take arms against social-networking troubles and, by opposing, end them.

Yeah, then again, maybe not.

(Just click the image to enlarge it.)

Music Box: A Last Kiss For Syd and Stevie

Happy Birthday Mary Wilson of the Supremes! Happy Birthday also, to David Gilmour of Pink Floyd. You even sound good while you're just tuning your guitar -- as you are for the first minute or so of this clip:


On this date in 1965, J. Frank Wilson & the Cavaliers performed their hit, "Last Kiss" on Dick Clark's American Bandstand. You might know this tune from Pearl Jam's cover in 1999 - the biggest hit of the Seattle band's career. This is Wayne Cochran's original from 1961.



Finally, it was this day back in 1976 that Fleetwood Mac released "Rhiannon" and a single. This is the band performing the song live on Burt Sugarman's late-night rock show, "Midnight Special." You can almost taste the coke in Stevie Nicks' voice.

SportsGrinder: Chris Paul, T.O. and the 1979 NCAA World Baseball Classic. Huh?

Last night, the Hornets' Chris Paul got a rebound and passed to himself -- through Jason Terry's legs. Terry is reportedly still looking for his jock. The always-excitable Kevin Harlan has the call.




Terrell Owens? Not all that popular with NFL fans. Or management. Teams are lining up to say they won't sign the talented, but melodramatic wide-receiver, and fans don't mind a bit. An ESPN SportsNation poll says 73% do not want their team to sign Owens and fans voting in smaller polls around the country feel the same.

What the French, Toast? Let's think about this for a minute. Okay, Owens is a prima donna who drops too many balls. Granted, dealing with Drew Rosenhaus is nobody's idea of a good time -- unless you like being thought of as chum. But Owens is still a big, strong, fast wide-out who could make a bad team better and send an average team to the playoffs. He's a top ten WR, easy. Also, what with getting cut by Dallas and all, he will probably come out next season looking to prove himself.

Sure, the guy has a big mouth and a bigger ego, but let's keep it in perspective. Compared to a lot of players in the NFL, Owens is practically a saint. He's never been accused of shooting anyone, robbing anyone, of beating a girlfriend or using steroids. His work ethic is unmatched, and his massive will to win is obvious. The worst you can say about the guy is that he likes money and talks too much. Big freaking deal.

The massive negative reaction to Owens is understandable. Owens has always been too fond of the spotlight. But just being sick of someone's face is no reason to keep your football team from winning games.

Sports by Brooks read Seth Davis' new book about the 1979 NCAA Championship game, "When March Went Mad: The Game That Transformed College Basketball." Apparently, even back in the late 1970's, Billy Packer was already a jerk.

Last night, David Letterman had the Top Ten Reasons to Watch the World Baseball Classic:



More, this time from Bugs and Cranks, on the comedy goldmine that is the WBC. Or forget baseball altogether ( at least until your fantasy draft) and see ESPN the Magazine's story on a few other stick-and-ball games played around the world. Bonus: Many have silly uniforms. Double-bonus: Some have an umlaut in their names.

THE DAILY GRIND: The United Nations Hates Your Bong

The United Nations, notes Reason Magazine, is marking the 100th anniversary of the hateful disaster known as the International War on Drugs. Way back in 1909, thirteen countries joined in something called the “International Opium Commission” with a plan to halt the Chinese opium trade.

Problem solved.

Oh, wait. Problem not solved. Today, according to the Associated Press, “government statistics put the number of known addicts in China at 1.2 million, including 700,000 heroin users, more than two-thirds of them under the age of 35.” So, you know, that's worked really well.

Now, the UN is getting ready to meet again to determine drug policy for the next decade. The meeting, coordinated by the Commission on Narcotic Drugs, will be held in Vienna from March 11 to 15. The last high level meeting on drug control? 1998, held under the motto "A Drug-Free World -- We Can Do It!"

Um. No. We can't do it. And, really, why would we want to?

Today, the UN Office on Drugs and Crime claims the drug market has “stabilized”, meaning roughly the same proportion of the world’s adult population still take illegal drugs as they did as a decade ago. That's about 200 million people, or about 5% of the world's adult population. (Accurate stats can be hard to come by.) There's no reason to think that the number is any smaller, or any larger than it's ever been.

Anyway, so what? Addiction itself is not the problem. Millions of people around the world are addicted to cigarettes and coffee, but they don't go on killing sprees to get them. With coke, pot, heroin and opium, it's a different story. The drug cartel war in Mexico killed more than 6,000 people last year and looks like it's getting worse. A turf war between drug gangs in Copenhagen is turning one of Europe’s safest cities into a shooting gallery. It's the same story in Afghanistan, in Columbia. Pretty much anywhere you go in the world, somebody is killing someone over drug money. And, of course, in the United States, where we spend some $40 billion a year trying to eliminate the supply of drugs, we arrest about 1.5 million of our citizens each year without having any real, discernible effect on drug violence. This is what the United Nations calls "stabilized"?

It's time to admit that War on Drugs is over. Drugs won.

Look, people who produce and supply drugs just want to make a living. People who use drugs want to ease pain, or just have a good time by altering their mood. Neither of these things are inherently evil. Neither will make otherwise law-abiding citizens turn to violent crime. It's the law (a law that says booze and Oxycontin are okay) that makes supplies scare and so, quite naturally, increases demand.

Legalization is not a perfect solution. With drugs cleaner, cheaper and easier to get, some people will use them more. (Then again, some might use them less because the illicit thrill is gone.) But drug abuse is, really, a mental health issue, not a matter for law enforcement. Anyway, we can't let the quest for a perfect solution get in the way of finding a good one. The drug war is a disaster; a well-meant, but misguided morality play that causes infinitely more problems than it solves. This madness must end. Everyone knows the old saying, "When guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns"? Well, turn it around. When drugs are not outlawed, outlaws will no longer have drugs."

Wednesday Wildcard (Thursday edition) Playboy Trivia

Yesterday, bending time, we did Thursday's weekend preview. We had to do it. Lots of stuff we were previewing starts tonight. But that means that you, oh readers, have been shorted one Wednesday Wildcard. Time to rectify that with a little Playboy trivia quiz, shall we? The answers are below. No cheating. You're only cheating yourself.

1. Who was the first Playmate of the Month?

2. Who was the first black Playmate?

3. What athlete married Playboy Playmate Patti McGuire?

4. Which two Playmates appeared on the famed Playboy Pinball Machine with Hugh Hefner?

5. Who was the first second-generation Playmate?

6. Who is the oldest women to be named a Playmate of the Month?

7. Which of the following celebrities has never appeared in Playboy?

Kim Basinger
Deborah Gibson
Debbie Boone
Farrah Fawcett

8. Where was the original Playboy Mansion?

9. What is Hugh Hefner's middle name?

10. Who was Playboy's 25th Anniversary Playmate?

The Answers:

1. Nope. It wasn't Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn was the magazine's first model, but they called her "Sweetheart of the Month." Playboy didn't start using the "Playmate" title until the second issue. Playboy's first official Playmate, technically, was Margie Harrison.

2. Jennifer Jackson in March of 1965, the same year Playboy published their landmark interview with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.




















Reneé Tenison, by the way, became the first black Playmate of the Year in 1990. Yum.



























3. Jimmy Connors

4. Sondra Theodore and Patti McGuire

















5. Simone Eden. Her mother, Carol Eden, was a Playmate in December 1960.

6. Rebecca Anne Ramos, 35 at the time of her centerfold appearance in January 2003, is currently the oldest to be named Playmate of the Month. Kathy Shower holds the title for oldest Playmate of the Year. She was 33 — with two kids — when she won.

7. Debbie Boone. She may have lit up out lives, but never our pages.

8. Chicago, Illinois. Duh. Seriously, if you don't know this one, there's almost no hope for you.

9. Marston

10. This girl. Her name (yes, really) is Candy Loving.



















Scoring:
0-5: You're a novice. You should probably subscribe to Playboy right away.
6-8: You can hang at the Grotto, but should probably also subscribe to Playboy.
9-10: Hef... Is that you?

LOL: If the van is rocking... We are having sex.

Dirty car art? Nope. It doesn't mean half-naked ladies painted on old school, 70's-style custom vans. Though we've got nothing but love for the genius that is the world of custom vans. But today we find ourselves deeply amused by Scott Wade's Dirty Car Art. Below is Scott's rendering of Mount Rushmore. In dust. Check out Scott's website for more dirty masterpieces. The clean kind.

SportsGrinder; TO, Manny, A-Rod, Kriss Kross and Nicki Taylor Walk into a Bar

Is this real? If not, it's close enough to be very entertaining. You might recall the prank war between Amir and Streeter over at CollegeHumor.com The last battle had Streeter getting slapped and dumped by his girlfriend at Yankee Stadium. A year and a half later, Streeter's vengeance cometh. During halftime of the hoops game Maryland and Wake Forest, Amir got a chance to make a half-court shot and win $500,000. Or, you know, not.


Terrell Owens got cut by the Cowboys? Wow. Kind of a stunner. Gunaxin has 15 (silly) reasons why Dallas cut him. The real reason? Who know$ Hard to $ay. Scouts Inc,. wonders where the wide-out might go next. Hall-of-Famer Tim Brown says Owens "will be a Raider by next week." We find that very hard to believe. T.O. still has two or three good years left. The Raiders usually don't sign veterans to bloated contacts until they are officially out of gas.

Alex Rodriguez will undergo surgery on his right hip. Joe Dunand, Alex Rodriguez's big brother, told Enrique Rojas of ESPNdeportes.com that rehabilitation would take about 10 weeks.

Yawn. Does anyone know why A-Rod and his brother have different last names? Are we missing something obvious?

This is certainly bad news for A-Rod and all the Yankee fans who adore him. But it's not terrible for those folks, like a certain blogger you know, who are beyond sick-to-death of all things A-Rod related. The other day, a few news outlets reported that the guy's ex-wife showed up at Spring Training with their kids. Really, America? Do we need to know this?

Extra Mustard give us the Pop Culture grid, where we find out that Cubs second-baseman Mike Fontenot wants Kriss Kross to make a comeback. Who doesn't?

NASCAR Nationwide Series driver Burney Lamar and wife, supermodel Niki Taylor, welcomed a new daughter yesterday, Ciel Taylor Lamar. This proves, once more, that even low-tier race car drivers pull some seriously fine babes. Lamar, if he stays in Nationwide cars, will continue to race in Montreal. Monday race organizers signed a three-year deal to keep the event at Gilles Villeneuve Circuit.

The same day Manny Being Manny signed his new deal with the Dodgers, the dreadlocked star put his 37th-floor condo at the Boston Ritz Carlton up for sale. SoxAddict reports that Manny bought the condo in 2001 for $5.8 mil. He tried selling it fours years later for $6.9 mil, but didn't get his asking price. Now, the almost pathologically insensitive slugger wants $8.5 mil for the place. You know, because the housing market is so hot right now.

Music Box: The King Sings About Weeds

Today, because we are celebrating government pork, one of our all-time favorite tracks, "Polk Salad Annie." Confused? Join the club. Like a lot of people, we get lyrics wrong. In the case of this song, we not only had the lyrics wrong, but also the title. For years we thought this 1969 hit, written by Tony Joe White and performed here by Elvis, was actually about "Pork Salad." Oops. (But, seriously? Assuming you eat meat and don't keep kosher or anything, doesn't pork salad sound pretty darn tasty?) Anyway, the real title, "Polk Salad Annie something else. Polk or Poke is short for Pokeweed, a wild plant that grows in the South. Let the King explain.

THE DAILY GRIND: Pork and the Twittering Showboat

Hey, does anyone remember the campaign? Then-candidate Obama promised he would go through the federal budget "line-by-line" to get rid of earmarks? Yeah… So... How's that going? Yesterday, Sen. John McCain tried to strip thousands of earmarks from the new budget bill moving through Congress by introducing an amendment that would have reduced funding for several government departments to last year's levels. The amendment failed 63-32, with a simple majority needed for passage, despite the Senator's massive, and entertaining, Twitter campaign.

Two brave Democrats voted with McCain: Senators Evan Bayh of Indiana and Claire McCaskill of Missouri. Ms. McCaskill, also a Tweeter, wrote: “Voted yes on McCain amendment. Awkward when I disagree with party leadership but I really think McCain is right on this one.” Eight Republicans voted against McCain, meaning they support earmarks and higher spending. By a strange coincidence, seven of them appropriations committee.

Republican Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, admirably, voted for McCain’s amendment, even though he has about $75.5 million in earmark projects; like $950,000 for the Western Kentucky University bikeway project and $1.6 million for the Forage Animal Production Research Laboratory in Lexington. Check out a few other gems in the spending bill:

$819, 000 for catfish genetics research in Alabama
$400,000 for copper wire theft prevention efforts
$47,500 to remodel and expand a playground in Ottawa, Ill.
$209,000 for blueberry production in Georgia.

Okay, we don't want to come off like Bobby Jindal complaining about volcano-watching. Some of what gets labeled pork is, actually, perfectly reasonable spending. Like, it's certainly easy to make fun of "catfish genetics research," because it sounds funny. But who knows what advances might come from that study? Maybe we will learn to cure some fish disease and provide food for millions. Tattoo removal also gets ridiculed a great deal. But it's not that bad of an idea. This isn't girls getting their blurry tramp-stamp removed. The idea is that gang-bangers who want to change their ways can have incriminating tats removed as part of their rehabilitation. Given the other dumb ways that we spend money on criminal justice, that's not the world's worst use of funds.

But there is some stuff in the budget package that does legitimately suck -- straight-up wasteful government pork. For instance, a lot of the money in the bill goes for, basically, tourist attractions. There's a million bucks for Chicago's Adler Planetarium Sky Theater. That money was requested by former Congressman Rahm Emanuel, who's now the president’s chief of staff. There's $285,000 for the Discovery Center of Idaho in Boise, and $190,000 for the Buffalo Bill Historical Center in Cody, Wyo.

Sure. Because that's the biggest problem facing the United States today; a shortage of tourist attractions. The country is desperately, desperately short of things to see and do.

On last month's economic stimulus package, Obama took a reasonable stand against earmarks. The bill wasn't as pork-free as he claimed, but it was close. This budget, however, is a trip to Pork City, with about 9,000 bits of bacon. Obama ought, as he promised during the campaign, "go line-by-line" through the bill and gut wasteful programs. He has called for tough sacrifices. He, and the people around him, should also be willing to make them.

Music Box: N.A.S.A (Finally) Launches!

N.A.S.A., an acronym for "North American South America" have finally released their debut album, The Spirit of Apollo. A collaboration between lifelong friends Squeak E. Clean ( Spike Jonze's brother) and DJ Zegon, (pro skateboarder Ze Gonzales), the LP features a preposterous roster of guests like; David Byrne, Tom Waits, Chuck D, Ghostface Killah, Kanye West, George Clinton, and about 30 others you have heard of, or should have. Ol' Dirty Bastard is even on this record and he's not even alive.



This is the first single "Money.' It's gotten some great reviews and some bad ones. Decide for yourself.

Everybody's Working for the Weekend Hump Day preview

Saving money this weekend by staying home? Set your DVR. Friday night there is a new episode of the occasionally dull, but occasionally fantastic "Wife Swap." "Friday Night Lights" is new too. We are finally getting re-interested in "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles," so will spend at least some part of the evening drooling over Summer Glau. Because we have great taste. If you have bad taste, or just secretly hope to see a mauling, check out "Siegfried and Roy: The Magic Returns." You sick bastards. Saturday night, we will try to catch the Marx Bothers classic "A Night at the Opera" on TCM. SNL is new this weekend, so that's… something. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson hosts, pimping his "Witch Mountain" remake. The musical guest is someone we'd never heard of and didn't feel like looking up. Oh, okay, it's Ray LaMontagne.

There's decent sports on this weekend, too. The World Baseball Classic kicks off in Tokyo and San Juan, Puerto Rico, plus tomorrow is the mandatory report date for Spring Training. The Davis Cup opening round, including Switzerland at USA, starts Friday. NASCAR is at the Atlanta Motor Speedway, one the fastest tracks on the circuit. But the weekend's big one should be Sunday's meeting of Duke and North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Even though Duke is down this year, that one is always a gem.

If you want to get out of the house and maybe see a movie, the Miami Film Festival opens this weekend. For cinema less arty, there's no other choice. The long-awaited, long-delayed "Watchmen" has finally cometh. People are already lining up for tix online. (Okay, technically you can't "line-up online," but you get the idea.)

There is, of course, all sorts of great live music, throughout this great land. Hall and Oates are playing a gig Friday night in Baltimore. Can you imagine the MILF-y goodness I that crowd? After canceling the first four shows of his tour, Morrissey, the Godfather of EMO, plays the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach, SC. Jam-band megastars Phish is starting their big reunion tour with a three-night stand in Hampton, VA. If you want something with a little more soul, and you happen to be in Akron, OH, catch Young Jeezy. Just one state to the west, you can see T.I. at Assembly Hall in Champaign, IL.

Also? There are way, way too many tribute bands in the world. Way. Seriously. For instance, there are no fewer than three Beatles impersonators playing somewhere in the USA this weekend; Rain, Yesterday, and Strawberry Fields. You could also catch Thunderstruck, who play the songs of AC/DC, Toys in the Attic, an homage to Aerosmith, and Frontiers, who are devoted to the music of Journey. Kiss Alive! could be fun. They are playing a triple bill with Clock Strikes 10, a Cheap Trick tribute, and Happy Jack, who pretend to be The Who. Fans of more modern rock can see The Cured, who sing Robert's Smith's mope rock, El Scorcho, a homage to Weezer, and there are two, count 'em two tributes to Sublime playing gigs this weekend; Badfish and 40 Oz. To Freedom. (Sublime, by the way, released a total of three albums. ) Oh, did we forget Broken Road, who mimic Rascal Flatts? And, of course, Who's Bad, the "Ultimate Michael Jackson Tribute." We've already got our tickets. No truth to the rumor that kids get in free.

SportsGrinder

Bob Burnquist + 50,000 balloons + Cinematographer Ty Evans = Awesome



Manny Ramirez signed a two-year deal with the Dodgers; a surprise to no one except Scott Boras, who thought there was going to be a biding war. Page 2 has a collection of Manny's different looks though the years. Sadly, there's no picture of him throwing the Red Sox traveling secretary to the ground. Also, on P2, Jim Caple explores why fans, even in a recession, shouldn't get worked up about outrageous salaries in sports.

Sure, he says, Jim Calhoun is a jerk, but at least he didn't rob a bunch of charity organizations. Yes, Kevin Garnett "earned $174 million for running up and down courts in his gym trunks since 2000," but no one loses a job when KG misses a shot. Richard Fuld, the former CEO of Lehman Brothers, "received $484 million during the same time period even though he led his company into bankruptcy and helped spur the current economic crisis." Good points. But we still get pissed about anyone, like Manny, whose making eight figures a year to play baseball and thinks it isn't enough.

Sign o' the Times in College Hoops: Last night was Senior Night in College Park, Maryland. The Terrapins, who got beatdown by Wake, had precisely one four-year player to honor; Dave Neal. Stay in school, kids. You know, unless the NBA offers you millions to leave.

The NHL is flooding all of creation with live coverage of the trade deadline. It's nice to see hockey bringing their marketing efforts into the 1990's.

We were thinking it would have been fun to hit the NASCAR race in Las Vegas last weekend. Now we are deeply, deeply depressed we didn't go. Because of the East Coast snowstorm Sunday, none of the drivers and crews were able to get out of Vegas and back to Charlotte. That means that pretty much all of NASCAR hit the strip. Including, TMZ.com reports, hometown boy Kyle Busch. The Shrub celebrated his win in that day's Cup race, the Shelby 427, by blowing $5,000 on champagne for fellow revelers at a Hard Rock Café.

Dang. "Fellow reveler" sounds like just the kind of gig we've been looking for.

THE DAILY GRIND: Exploring the Dark Underbelly of Craigslist

Back in the day, when people wanted to explore public opinion, they did a "Man on the Street" interview. Now we just go to Craigslist, specifically the "Rants and Raves" section. There, people can -- and do -- post weird, outrageous, bizarre and often obscene comments about whatever happens to strike their fancy. We decided visit the Rants and Raves for three big cities; San Francisco, Chicago and New York; to look at whatever posts happened to be at the top and see what we could learn. Unfortunately, what we learned is that people who post Craigslist rants are freaking nuts.

Our first stop was San Francisco. There, someone had posted a news story with this very long, and very badly typed, headline.

to to Crgaijsts Responsible Gun Owner accidently shoots husband then kills self (GUNS SHOULD BE BANNED)
Reply to: pers-rxtwh-1059326999@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-03, 6:16PM PST

Husband Shot By Wife; She Thought He Was Ex
MCCORDSVILLE, Ind.
An Indiana woman went on an alcohol-fueled rampage, opening fire on her new husband in a case of mistaken identity before killing herself, police said. Police said the couple was together and had been drinking before the shootings early Saturday morning at an upscale Geist, Ind., home. Charles Vogt, 44, told a dispatcher that his wife, Shanna Jones-Vogt, 28, mistook him for an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend, shot him and then killed herself…

Charles Vogt's initial information provided to police suggested that Shanna thought her husband was an intruder and shot him, but that theory was discounted after investigators determined that alcohol was a factor.

Wait. What now? So, did or didn't she think he was an trespasser? And how come she shot herself out of grief when the husband she accidentally shot didn't die? We're not sure if this story is an argument for gun control, but it definitely sounds like a case for CSI.

The next post dealt with the Bible. Kind of.

"Barak" is a Biblical Name (look it up!)
Reply to: pers-h3dhx-1059324862@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-03, 6:14PM PST

It is in the Old Testament. I was reading the Bible the other day and came across the name Barak and he was mentioned several times. Perhaps in Leviticus, not sure. So you Catholics out there, who have to name your children from someone in the Bible or a Saint or whatever, might want to choose Barak. Or maybe Beezelbub?!?

True. "Barak" was a general in the Book of Judges; commander of the army of the prophetess Deborah. However, our current president's name -- and we think that's somewhere near this poster's point -- is spelled "Barack." "Beezelbub," by which the guy apparently means "Beelzebub," was a Bible-era deity worshiped in the Philistine city of Ekron whose name became a general term for the devil. We are going to go way out on a limb here, and suggest that whoever wrote this post is not a big Obama supporter.

Johannes Mehserle BLEW IT
Reply to: pers-zdrsn-1059323223@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-03, 6:14PM PST

Right through that scumbag Oscar Grant. GOOD JOB Johannes Mehserle Thank you for removing that thug from the streets. To obad our justice system is so screwed that it mightr cost the taxpayers $50,000,000.00. Sorry but the Grant attorney is a scumbag as well and only in it for the money. They all are. Think of the 50 mil as a stimuls package for the rap and 22" rim industry

Yeah. This is pretty ugly stuff, right here. Oscar Grant is the guy who got shot by BART cops over New Year's. His family is suing the city for $50 million. There is a lot -- a lot -- of very angry, racist stuff on CL about this story. Frankly, there is a lot of very angry, racist stuff on Rants and Raves in general. It's more than a little sad and creepy.

Not incidentally, Johannes Mehserle didn't think he was "removing a thug from the streets." There's a gag order on now, but apparently Mehserle told acquaintances he was trying to reach for his TASER and accidentally grabbed his gun. Oops.

Let's move on to Chicago, shall we?

Big Doody!!!!! ???? !!!!! (west burbs)
Reply to: pers-ftc6t-1059359348@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-03, 8:42PM CST

Well ..... I guess you're right, every day or two in the crapper.

Excellent. We've got no clue what this means. But we still support you, Big Doody, wherever in the West 'Burbs you may be.

get a thumb drive, everyone
Reply to: pers-bfssg-1059366685@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-03, 8:48PM CST

and back up your shit .
plus make sure you carry that flash drive, thumb drive, memory stick, whatever you call it, in a separate place. you gotta be thief proof in chicago, unfortunately, because it's being taken over by a bunch of unemployed thieves.

so back up your stuff and be safe.

Okay, that's just wrong. We are sorry this person got their stuff stolen and we also heartily encourage the use of flash drives and other forms of data back-up. But it's simply not right to say Chicago is "being taken over by thieves." Chicago -- and Illinois in general -- was taken over by thieves a long, long time ago, basically under Al Capone, and has never really recovered.

Finally, we finish in New York City. There, someone has a dream about racial equality, and reincarnation. And, like, aliens.

I think if there are aliens and UFOS...
Reply to: pers-muhca-1059327946@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-03, 9:16PM EST

they must look at the various inbred shrunken brains racists and xenophobes and other people who are prejudiced and they laugh uproariously over the doufuses who hate Jews, Catholics, Atheists, Whites, Blacks, Asians, Indians, on and on. They must think humans are the dumbest forms of life. They probably think we all resemble each other as far as having eyes, noses, mouths, bodies etc ( and yeah we sure do resemble each other, there are just little variations in eye, skin, hair colors, but it's not like Jews have 3 eyes and Blacks have 4 sets of eyes and Whites have 19 eyes on and on). But if aliens from a far more advanced planet exist and they see humans here they have to wonder how we can HATE each other over appearances and/or religious beliefs or non beliefs. My god this planet truly has assholes populating it! And I hope you dumb ass haters enjoy this life because you morons will just keep coming back to this lowly planet and having your unfulfilled life again and again and again until you finally get a clue.

Perhaps we are reading too much into this, but when this fellow writes "I hope you dumb ass haters enjoy this life," we're not sure he means it.

Music Box: The Roots Run Deep

Man, we've got to get that terrible Stones cover out our head. Think we'll go back to Jimmy Fallon's house band. This is The Roots playing "Water" live on the old "Late Late Show" when it was hosted by Craig Kilborn.

LOL: The Worst TV of All Time

Jimmy Fallon's talk show debuted last night. It wasn't half bad. Sure the interviews were clunky. He'll get better. Also, the part where they brought products on stage for audience members to lick was way, way too obviously a product placement scheme. But Fallon is okay, even if Seth MacFarlane has a point. And the Roots? They freaking jam.

But though good TV is fun to watch, bad TV is fun to mock, jibe and ridicule. That's way better. Bad TV makes you feel superior, because laughing at others is how we feel better about ourselves. And, really, isn’t that what comedy is all about? Feeling good.

This got us thinking about the worst television show of all time. Not just the bad stuff, mind you. We don't mean reality shows beneath the intelligence of a chimp or daytime talk that makes you certain devolution has begun. Nor did we merely want bad TV along the lines of "that chase scene wasn't realistic" or "that character is poorly drawn." Also, of course, we weren't looking for anything ironically bad, made with a wink and nod. No camp aloud. The show must have been created by people who truly though they were doing top quality work. The worst TV of all time must be the kind of television that makes your jaw drop; that makes you stare in wide wonder, mystified that anyone could possibly have let such an atrocity be made.

Episode 1 of Chevy Chase's ill-fated talk show pops immediately to mind. So does every movie about a wronged woman ever to air on Lifetime. Rosie O'Donnell's canceled-after-a-single episode variety show is so terrible that it's mesmerizing. We can't stop watching. Friends are threatening to stage an intervention. Still, none of that offal compares to the exquisite crappiness that was, is and forever will be "Viva Laughlin," a "musical-dramedy" about a small-time casino owner who dreams of opening a resort in Laughlin, NV. CBS aired the pilot on October 18, 2007, broadcast the official premiere October 21, promptly cancled the show the next day.

If you watch "The Soup," you know that VL was a Joel McHale favorite -- at least for the all-too-brief time it aired. Conan made fun of it, too. But, although it's gone, the world shan't soon forget just how wondrously awful this show was.



This is, Ripley Holden, the main character singing "Sympathy for the Devil." Which is bad enough. There are some songs you don't touch. Like, it's okay to cover Led Zeppelin, but some obscure. Don't do "Stairway to Heaven." It's okay to cover the Rolling Stones, but "Sympathy" belongs to Mick Jagger

Here's the kicker, though. He isn't singing instead of Jagger. He's is singing over him. The show used the Stones' original recording and and had XX sing over the track -- exactly what it sounds like when you are driving and singing over the radio.

The word "desecration" pops to mind.

SportsGrinder

Gunaxin, gets us going with the 10 most awesome basketball shoes of all time, including these too-glam-for-words, original 1970's Puma Clydes. We've sold bodily organs for less.

The Big Lead has done the dirty work of going through Mel Kiper's old draft predictions and calling him on his boo-boos. It's good clean schadenfreude, but it's not like Kiper is claiming he can predict what every player will do with every team, every year. Still, it's important to remember that being able to sound like you know what you are talking about, which Kiper does, and actually knowing what you are talking about, which he doesn't always, are two very different things.

With less than a day left until the NHL's trade deadline, teams has been busy clearing space under the salary cap. The NHL's waiver wire on Tuesday revealed that several high profile players have been placed on waivers, including Brendan Morrison, Gary Roberts and Satan. Miroslav Satan, that is, not the one with horns. Oh yeah. Also, Sean Avery is back and the Rangers got him.. Too bad. A shy, retiring guy like Avery shouldn't be playing in New York City.

Springtraining09.com which might be the least durable branding effort in the history of website names, complied a list of the 44 Worst Contracts in Baseball. This list doesn't include the one the Dodgers are about to sign with Manny Ramirez.

With just six weeks left in the NBA's regular season, it's time to start having the MVP conversation. LeBron James and Kobe Bryant are the most obvious choices, but NBA Fanhouse makes the case for Dwyane Wade.

41-year-old Boris Becker got engaged to his girlfriend, Lilly Kerssenbergovert this weekend. Who cares? Extra Mustard does. They found a celebration of old jocks with young women. Good work SI. Keep the dream alive.

GearMania Tuesday: The World's Most Manly Jewelry

This just might be the most badass bracelet on the planet; the kind bracelet a Green Beret would wear. Made from of military-issue 550 paracord, Survival Straps are the only jewelry that can get you out of tight spot. Just pop the marine-grade stainless steel shackle or optional side-release plastic buckle and you instantly have 15 to 20' cord for a variety of survival uses.

The Survival Straps come in 30 different colors and run about $18-$25. The company also makes lanyards, key fobs, watch straps, dog collars and some seriously Batman-like belts. If you ever use one of their products in an emergency (someone on the website claims their bracelet helped them save a girl from drowning) send it back -- along with your story. The company will rewind the cord for free.

THE DAILY GRIND: Cocktail Party Socialists & Right-Wing Ideologues Suck & Here's Why

In Warren Beatty's 1998 political satire, "Bulworth," there is a funny scene where Beatty, playing a disillusioned Senator, goes nuts at a political luncheon. He starts rapping (badly) about the evils of oil companies and lobbyists. At one point, about 2:50 in the clip above, Beatty brings up health care, saying, "Come on now, let me hear that dirty word-- socialism!" The Senator's staff is seen gasping, knowing that their man has truly gone off the deep end.

It's 2009. Welcome to the deep end. With Obama's stimulus package and sweeping new budget, the "dirty word" is being uttered a lot these days. Pretty much every conservative with a keyboard has called Obama "socialist," and pretty much every liberal has roundly condemned them for it. As usual, Republicans are called red-baiting, closet racists, and Democrats are accused of being crypto-Commies openly waging class warfare. If Obama is allowed to implement his new programs, say conservatives, the country will soon be awash in violent, gay porn addicts who use our tax dollars to buy heroin. If Obama is stopped, liberals say, it proves that Republicans want to eat the poor.

The Grinder, as always, remains elegantly above the fray.

First, let's define our terms. Socialism is not a rigid doctrine or a planned set of programs. It's a vague concept that means very different things to different people; much like how "dating" can either mean "intend to marry" or "currently banging," depending on who's talking. But most socialists (real ones, like in Europe) generally share a belief that capitalism unfairly concentrates wealth among a small segment of society. They advocate for a society in which wealth is distributed more evenly, usually be means of social welfare programs. In it's most extreme, Marxist form, socialism means government controls the means of production and distribution of goods. Obama then is, emphatically, not a Socialist. He is, however, a socialist. Little "s."

See how easy that was? Problem solved.

Look at it this way; Obama wants government intrusion into health care, which you may or may not like, but it's not the same as government owning all the hospitals. He wants to force midsize banks to merge in return for the Federal loan guarantees, which is heavy-handed, but not the same as the government owning all the banks. When the US government, as part of an auto company bailout, dictates how many cars and trucks GM can make each year, you will know that "Big S" Socialism has arrived.

On principle, though, socialist ideals piss us off. Government, as any sentient adult knows, can screw things up just as badly, if not worse, than big business. So that trade-off is basically a wash. Plus, in the USA at least, isn't the government supposed to provide exactly the same services for all citizens, not try to help one group over another? Finally, there is something galling, something which offends the Grinder's free-spirited, rugged individualism-loving sensibility, to suggest that there is any such thing as "too much money." As far as we are concerned, the more money that gets made by anyone, the better it is for all. If someone has their money legally, whether they worked for it or inherited from a crazy aunt, it isn't the government's business to decide someone else needs it more. Life isn't fair, folks, and not even the mighty US government can make it so.

But broad principles must give way to pragmatic realities, and we are willing to be proved wrong. In fact, we are kind of hoping for it. Maybe Obama's plans will work, not just giving the country an economic boost, but ultimately making the nation healthier and better-educated, so wealthier and more free. Being right on abstract economic theories isn't nearly as exciting for us as the prospect of seeing America thrive.

LOL: A Even Modest-er Proposal

What made us suddenly think of Jonathan Swift's essay A Modest Proposal"? Because people still use the expression all the time. Like, today's TNR.com had "A Modest Proposal to Solve the Burris Problem." (There's no link 'cause it's a dull story.) Swift's idea that Irish poverty could be alleviated by eating Irish babies retains it's power to make us laugh. Uncomfortably. Very. Which is what we did when we saw this pic on Holy Taco.


Seriously, how bored do you have to be?



The guy in the picture is Ryan McKee. His website says that this was from Modest Proposal Magazine, "an independent comedy publication that was equal parts National Lampoon, The Onion A.V. Club, McSweeny’s and boundless, ignorant hope." Sadly, we don't think the publication survived, but the cover sure was an attention-grabber.



Okay, well... That's just plain funny. Hope the cops where you live think so, too.


But this last image doesn't amuse us one bit. It's racist. How day they suggest there is something wrong with babies with color!




Okay. We had better stop now. At this point, we are giving ourselves the creeps, and that's not easy to do.

Music Box: The Artist Formerly Known as the Artist Formerly Known as Prince

Prince is coming to a Target near you. March 29, the pop funk superstar is releasing a three-disc set exclusively though Target. The set will include two all-new albums by his royal funkiness, "LOtUSFLOW3R and "MPLSoUND." The third is a collection by his new protégée, Bria Valente. Get this; the entire three-disc set will retail for a mere $11.98.


This is the master of Minneapolis live in Las Vegas, performing an odd and
screechy, but perversely compelling cover of Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love." Yeah, you read that right. Prince does Robert Plant.



Here, the Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra gets busy on "I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man," from the Sign o' the Times album. If you don't smile watching this clip, up your Zoloft. Anyone who can't appreciate a good ukulele jam, just doesn't know music.

THE DAILY GRIND: Why Islamic Law Is Even Worse Than the "Rock of Love" Tour Bus

Do you have things that infuriate you, but no one else seems to care?

Everyone has at least one friend who is forever outraged that Star Wars didn't win for Best Picture. Everyone has a friend who's convinced that U2 is the worst band of all time and rants about it if anyone says otherwise. Our pet peeve isn't as momentous as those two. We are pissed off about Shaira; the savage form of Islamic justice that was just declared law in Somalia. And in a big chunk of Pakistan. That's in addition to existing systems in Afghanistan, Libya and Sudan, parts of Nigeria and, sort of, Great Britain. In fact, the only place in the Muslim world where Sharia doesn't seem to be on the rise is Iraq.

Is it some twisted form of multiculturalism that keeps Americans from being more outraged this? Are we just too busy with our domestic problems and taking a little break from what goes on in the rest of the world? Let's take a look, shall we at the Top Five Reason Why Sharia Sucks.

Sisters aren't doing it for themselves.
The way some Islamic societies treat women is simply appalling. Forget voting, how about not being allowed to drive a car? Forget driving, how about not being allowed to choose who you marry? Or legally wear pants? And there is also that whole "honor killing" thing, where wives and daughters are killed by their own family members for the crime of not being a virgin.

By the way, the oppression of women has terrible economic consequences. Think about it. You make laws that say half your population can't get an education, can't even work outside the home, and you pretty much ensure that your economy will be half of what it is in Western nations.

Otis, the Town Drunk, would be publicly whipped.
What kind of people still use the lash? People who do not like alcohol. In 2003, a Sharia court in Nigeria ordered a man be caned 80 times for being intoxicated. And, sadly, "getting caned" doesn't have anything to do with doing coke. It means getting whipped, and not in a "Halle Berry as Catwoman /sexy dominatrix" way, either.

This is a far cry, of course, from how we treat alcoholics in the United States. Our society prefers the infinitely more humane, and much more entertaining method of putting drunks on Reality TV shows so they can mud-wrestle for the chance to have sex with a celebrity.

"Milk" would not have won the Oscar.
Under Sharia, being gay is punishable by death. Death! Yet, you don't hear the gay community, so outraged about Prop 8, get mad about gay rights in the Muslim world. That would require a "strange bedfellows" alliance with neo-cons and Christian conservatives. Still, it would be nice to see the gay and lesbian communities advocate not just for their own right to marry, but for the right of gay people in Muslim lands to, like, not be thrown in jail or killed.

They cut off thieves' hands.
In what has to be the least subtle symbolism ever, Sharia courts sentence thieves to have their hands cut off. In 2002, Amnesty International said they knew of at least 39 amputations for theft in Saudi Arabia alone. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase one armed-bandit.

Please, no wagering.
In 2005, in the Indonesian province of Aceh, fifteen men were publicly caned in front of a mosque for gambling. And you thought the NBA was rough on Tim Donaghy. Seriously, can you imagine anyone trying to impose Sharia on the US; where not betting in your office's March Madness pool is considered a little bit rude.

Getting stoned for adultery.
True, this might sound like a lot of fun, especially if you like good weed and are unhappy in your marriage. But this is a differnt kind of stoning and it's much, much less fun. Did you ever read Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery"?

SportsGrinder

Deadspin today blesses us with the gift of Steven Russo. Russo, 36, has a son who attends Freedom High School in Bethlehem, PA. The pair decided to host a house party that included booze and a stripper pole in the basement. Yes, the guy has a stripper pole in his basement.

In attendance were several Freedom High cheerleaders, all under 21, who got hammered and participated in various shenanigans, like flashing and twirling on the pole. Want to take a wild guess who officials say supplied the booze? Yup. Steve. At the party, Russo served alcohol to his son's teenage friends and encouraged the girls present to take a turn on the pole. Allegedly.

Shockingly, photos of the party ended up online. Hard to believe, but true. Then someone, probably pissed offed because they weren't invited, told a school official. Now Russo is in just a wee, little bit of trouble.

But the Grinder salutes you, Steven Russo, even though you did something phenomenally dumb. We salute you on behalf of your son, for hosting the most kick-ass house party in Pennsylvania history. Hope it was worth it.

There is, incidentally, absolutely not truth to the rumor Steven Russo is an alias for Digger Phelps.



Obama has a beer at the Wizards game. The team won, too. We are taking this to be a very, very good sign. If the President can have a positive effect on that miserable squad, surely he can handle something as simple as the global economy.

Finally, Peter King takes enormous delight in the NFL's first big weekend of free agency. We can't get quite as excited about Bart Scott moving to the Jets. And, really don't we all think the Albert Haynesworth hype is a little much? He is going to Washington, after all, where big free agent contracts go to die. But King does have a solid explanation of the Matt Cassel trade that puts asunder all the nonsense about the Pats and Chiefs being in "collusion." The Grinder thinks Jay Mariotti should stop the collusion between his head and his ass.

Booklist Monday

If you haven't read J.R. Moehringer's memior "The Tender Bar" you should. Right now. Click here, order it, wait by the door until it comes and then read it all in a single sitting. There is no work of literature in American letters that better captures the glory and heartbreak of a really good neighborhood bar. Really. We could tell you that Moehringer has won all kinds of writing awards, and use lots of plumy, book critic talk to describe his prose. But we'd only be wasting time that you could spend reading.