Are you a recently fired, super-rich, ex-financial guru now forced to live on the measly multi-million dollar bonus he got from taxpayer bailouts? We feel for you. But try to enjoy yourself, despite the devastating sense of failure you must feel. Life isn't all about private jets and golf club memberships. We suggest embracing the simpler things in life; like the crushing sense of doom that will only grow greater as your overpriced lifestyle collapses. In the meantime, the Grinder is looking on the bright side of life with Five Things to Enjoy About the Downturn.
5.Reduced Expectations
American life has always been about ambition, but it's nice to take a break every once in a while, and the crash gives us all a chance to breathe. Right now, far fewer people are feeling bad about themselves for underachieving financially or for having a job they don't like. Basically, anyone who has an income right now is feeling pretty grateful, and gratitude isn't a bad thing. Like, have you eaten at a high-priced restaurant lately? The servers sure seem much, much nicer than they were a few months ago.
4.Watching TV
These days almost anyone can afford a big, bright flat screen and the proliferation of HD channels and services like Netflix have made staying home infinitely more satisfying than just a few years back. (Ask the people who own movie theaters.) Anyway, when you pay three figures a month for cable TV channels, it makes you feel like you are getting you money's worth to sit and watch for a while.
3.Having More Sex
Well, duh. Condoms are, what, a dollar? Less if you buy in bulk.
2.Not Driving Like an Idiot
This one does not apply to our mass-transit loving friends on the East Coast. But for the rest of the country, most of whom drive everyday, you will enjoy the downtimes much better when you stop driving like a moron, 17-year-old, zit-faced leadfoot who thinks racing grandmas to red lights makes his dick big. There is a direct correlation between how you drive and how much money you spend on gas. If, for instance, you always floor the gas pedal the instant a stoplight turns green, you are an idiot, case closed. Then again, maybe this is Darwinism at work. There is, after all, something elegant in the self-regulating nature of the system; bad drivers have no gas money. Never mind. Forget we said anything.
Yeah, we know that's only four and we promised a top five. What can we tell you? Times are tough. We came up one short.
