By Hampton StevensFeeling overwhelmed? Who could blame you? The economy is bad. The environment is screwed. We've got terrorists and rouge states going after nuclear weapons. Worst of all, most DVR's are painfully slow to respond to their remote control's commands, which is deeply annoying when you want to skip through commercials.
The hot debate lately at Grinder' HQ, in our fortified bunker deep under the Playboy Mansion, is whether humanity has any chance of survival. With the sky falling around us, is now the time to grab a bunch of Playmates, close the vault door and cut off contact with the outside world? To see if it's really gotten that bad, we did a little research on Google News. Turns out things are far, far worse than we thought.
There is the global financial crisis, of course, and worldwide food crisis. The North Korean missile launch sparked a crisis, even though the North Korean missile itself didn't actually launch. In Pakistan, there are two crisis; one over who will run the country, and a refugee crisis created by the Taliban war. The crisis in Kenya is getting worse, as is the crisis in the Congo. Nigeria is having a "religious crisis," which probably doesn't refer to a lot of people questioning their faith.
Moody's warns that Commerzbank faces a ratings crisis, much like "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles," which, by the way, ought to be renewed. The Ahmedabad Municipal Corporation, who build sewers in India, is accused of creating a "drainage crisis," which can't be good.
In case you thought things were okay at home, America has an energy crisis, climate crisis and credit crisis. Peter Young, columnist for the Milford Daily News, says there's a newspaper crisis. (Way to go, Pete. Top notch reporting.) The Council on Foreign Relations says America's oceans are in crisis, and Politico.com points out the "everyday crisis" of gun violence. Did we mention Mexican Drug Lords, Bumblebees and Identity Theft?
Of course, almost none of this will have the slightest effect on your daily life. Oops. Sorry. That doesn't sound very compassionate, does it? But it's true, nonetheless. Whatever happens in the battle for control of Kenya's government won't make the least bit of difference to 99.9% of anyone on the planet. Nor, for that matter, could that 99.9% have any effect on the situation should they be so inclined. The same goes for the Congo and Nigeria and whatever is happening with Commerzbank, wherever it may be.
Suppose there's a problem in the world beyond the normal, everyday catastrophes that flesh is heir to. Suppose (not that we are advocating this or anything) India and Pakistan go to war. Bad as that would be for people who live there, how much difference would it really make in your daily life? Be honest. Chances are, unless you have loved ones serving overseas, the answer is "not much." Suppose this India/Pakistan war broke out while you were on a camping trip, without a cellphone, far from the web and TV. You wouldn't even know the war started. Thousands could be dying in Kashmir while you are popping toes around a campfire.
Now, for whatever reason, just suppose you never hear about the war. Maybe you move to the wilds of Alaska for a year and, by the time you get back, people are talking about Darfur or Iran or whatever else the disaster de jour is. Here's the big question: if you've never heard about the war, didn't know anyone effected by it, and couldn't have done anything to stop it had you known, aren't you better off not knowing?
That, folks, is the crux of the crisis-crisis. Under the pretense of informing people, the ever-expanding global media creates an illusion of connectedness that becomes a self-perpetuating anxiety-making machine. Everyone has lots more information about the various disasters befalling humanity, but no one has any more control.
Which explains why we won't be grabbing some Playmates and sealing the bunker doors any time soon. (Instead we'll just be grabbing some Playmates.) Upon further review, things don't seem so bad. Or even that unusual. As The Who sang on "Another Tricky Day," this is no social crisis. This is you having fun.
