A Few Reasons to Hate Cellphones
It's a pretty basic premise. In the last 20 years, cellular phones have gone from nearly nonexistent, to novelty, to necessity. When was the last time you met someone who didn't have a cellphone -- and what did you say when you found out? The advent of cameras, texting, and their love-child "sexting" has only made cellphones more essential. Now, it simply doesn't feel right to leave the house without a phone/web browser/media player/camera/GPS that fits in a pants pocket. Therein lies out first complaint.
They Need a New Name
If you are carrying a phone/web browser/media player/camera/GPS, it really makes no sense to call it a "phone," does it? This technology clearly needs a new name. We like "ultra-mobile" which sound futuristic and British. Or, what about "Personal Communications Device" or "PCD" for short? Nah. Who are we kidding? These things are going to be called "cells" from here to eternity. The word, cell, appropriately enough, is derived from the same Latin root as "conceal." Which make sense. That's where people hide all their dirty pictures.
They Will Soon Be Inside Us
Don't kid yourself. With modern surgical procedures, it won't be a decade before people are having personal phone/computers implanted into their person. After all, once any machine becomes that big of a part of your life, why risk of losing it? Right-handed people would probably best be served by having the cell device implanted in the left arm, just below the wrist.
They Are, Really, You've Got to Admit, Sort of Evil and Creepy...
It's lonely when you are with someone and they are texting away, listing to what you are saying but staring at their screen. Yeah, we do it, too. Almost everybody does it. But that doesn't make it any less sucky. This isn't preaching, we promise. The Grinder deeply craves and enjoys every manner of mobile tech gizmo made. If it were possible to buy a phone with a flip-up mini satellite dish, we would be first in line. But that doesn’t erase the fact that mobile technology has made it even easier to ignore the world and all the people in it.
They Vanish
Sucks. Costs money. And, if you don't have backup, you lose all your contacts. Anyone who has ever not had backup and lost a phones will find a way to make sure it never, ever happens to them again.
Sometimes People Should Just Shut The Fark Up (With Apologies to Drew Curtis.)
This is sort of a corollary to the whole cellphones-are-evil thing, but not only relationships with the rest of the world get hinky, so does your relationship with yourself.
We live in a culture that celebrates verbal self-expression. We celebrate rappers, who when you get down to it, are people who talk a lot. We go on talk shows and talk radio to talk about talking. (This, we reluctantly admit is true: we have talked on a cellphone while driving and listening to talk radio show talking about people who talk on cellphones while they drive. It was so confusing we nearly hit a tree.) Not to get all psychological on you, but sometimes, in life, in order to think more clearly about vexing issues, it's isn't a bad idea to shut up. Really. It's a lost art.
