By Hampton Stevens
On Black Friday, Page 2 suggests not leaving the house. This might come as a shock, but we suggest not going out on the busiest shopping day of the year. Instead, avoid the mobs of Christmas-crazed moms rampaging through shopping malls like drunk English soccer fans after a bad loss. Stay home, shop online and watch ESPN. You'll be so glad you did. Online or off, though, while spending your last dime on gifts for family, friends, pets, co-workers and the mailman, don't forget all the sports stars in your life. Page 2 knows what everyone has on their holiday wishlist.
First, the folks who are easy to buy for. Like Jimmy Clausen, who needs boxing lessons. Or Jimmie Johnson, who needs a bigger trophy case. Bears' wideout Devin Hester clearly could use a new belt. Boise State just wants Okalahoma to beat Okalahoma State, which doesn't seem like so much to ask. Lions' rookie Matthew Stafford could use a sling. Not for the shoulder he hurt against the Browns, but for the colossal cojones it took to pull off that win.
LeBron James has been hinting around for a new wheelbarrow. With Shaq coming back from injury, and another 300 pounds of deadweight to carry, James is going to need it. Tarheel coach Roy Williams has just one holiday wish -- anyone who can shoot from outside.
Theo Epstein is very easy to shop for. He wants Roy Halladay. The New York Mets are even easier. They could use a catcher, middle-reliever, leftfielder with power (ala' Matt Holliday or Jason Bay) and new second-baseman if Luis Castillo gets traded. The New York Yankees, of course, don't really "need" anything. But they still have the same wishlist that they always do -- every other team's best players.
Then, the gift-giving gets a little trickier. With Ben Roethlisberger concussed and Charlie Batch out for six weeks, what can you get the Steelers' fan in your life -- a Dennis Dixon jersey? The Buffalo Bills want a head coach, but Bill Cowher, Mike Holmgren, Jon Gruden and (probably) Mike Shanahan won't fit. Allen Iverson wants a phone call from a contender --- and a body that can still backup his ego.
Jeff Fisher is asking Santa for a time-machine so he can start Vince Young three weeks ago. Tim Tebow, Toby Gerhart, Colt McCoy, Mark Ingram and C.J. Spiller all want a Heisman, but Santa only has one in his bag. Texas A&M coach Mike Sherman, like Ralphie and his Air Rifle, wants an upset over Texas to save his job. He promises not to put an eye out.
Jerry Jones is asking for a hard-to-find gift. He wants the a welterweight bout between Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather held Cowboys Stadium -- with Dave Campo and Terence Newman as an undercard. Oh, and the Cowboys could use an offense.
Finally, the poor New Jersey Nets just want one, measly NBA win. One. We only hope some team out there takes pity and gives them a gift.
