LOL: Coffee and More Coffee

There's nothing quite so welcoming as a good coffee shop. For the price of a cup of Joe you can rent yourself a little space in an urban oasis. A place that's somewhere between work and home, where you can people-watch, read and cop a massive buzz off your second favorite legal drug. But, as with any area of life, hanging at the coffee shop experience also has its pitfalls and hazards. For instance:

#1 Don't forget to glare at the overweight, high school Goth/vampire/mope rocker angry lesbian with neon pink streaks in her hair, pale skin, pierced eyelids and enough mascara to confuse a raccoon. The whole point of being a depressed teenager is to get mad at people who don't understand you. If you refuse to stare, you'll upset her.

#2: Don't be afraid to order gay-sounding coffee unless you want people to think you are gay. Counter-intuitive, but true. Look, if a guy wants plain coffee, he can make it at home for pennies. If he's at a coffee shop, and so paying top dollar, he might as well get something with mocha and and a double shot of espresso. If that means he has to order an "El Grande Mocha Surprise," oh well. A real man is secure enough in his sexuality to not care what his coffee order sounds like. (This does not, incidentally, hold true at bars, where ordering gay sounding drinks is explicitly forbidden.)

#3: Don't fall in love with the barista. That is, not unless you want to look like a jackass. Sure, it's only natural. If you spend a lot of time at one particular coffee shop, one particular time of day, and a cute girl works behind the counter, you will develop a crush on her. She is serving you something you love. Also, she has to be nice to you; because you are a customer and because she has a tip jar. Besides, men are dumb. If a guy stares at an even moderately pretty girl for long enough, hour after hour, he will eventually convince himself that she's completely gorgeous and he must have her at all costs. Don't be that guy. Instead, look at this coffee-type humor stuff and be entertained.







Somebody really likes Starbucks'. And that same somebody owes money to the estate of M.C. Esher.












Somebody really doesn't like Starbucks'. Either that, or they just really hate the letter "B."











This, folks, is art. You can't do that with a tea bag.









Finally, there is a man hidden inside this picture of coffee beans. It takes a minute or so to find him. If you don't want a hint, stop reading now. Now!

If you do want a hint, this is it: the beans are very large.