Usually in "Hatin' On…" we like to discuss the most serious issues of the day, like climate change, the economy and awesome boobs. But today we are delving into the frivolous; mere fashion. Specifically, we want to explore our blind and unrelenting hatred of a particular item of clothing -- the sartorial abomination know as the "poncho. "The poncho, basically a bolt of cloth with a hole in the middle, is probably the single least functional item of clothing known to humankind. It has no pockets and thus no place to carry the assorted accoutrement a modern gentleman requires, such as; cell-phone wallet and an ample supply of condoms. The loose fit of the garment further provides absolutely terrible protection from the elements, letting wind and rain blow in from the sides. The billowing fabric also makes it hard to do anything with your arms and not get tangled up. Try wearing one while playing basketball and you'll see what we mean.
But the lack of functionality could be forgiven if the poncho has some value as a fashion statement. It doesn't. The poncho is a FAIL on a massive scale, providing the wearer with a shape only slightly less flattering than wearing a potato sack. This explains why the only people who wear ponchos are pseudo-hippies pretending not to care how they look, and fashionistas from lower Manhattan bent on "bringing back" crochet. As though crochet was ever hip to begin with.
