Vote or die? Diddy needs a refresher course in biology. Vote or don't. Vote for Mickey Mouse or the Jonas Brothers or stay home and much nachos on the couch. You'll die either way, sunshine.In fact, you may be better off not voting -- at least if you love America. Sure almost every US citizen 18 or older has the right to cast a ballot, but that certainly doesn't mean they should. There are millions upon millions of people in this great land who should be denied the vote, simply on the basis of sheer stupidity. The Hutch has a whole list of things that should, but sadly don't, disqualify people from voting. If any or all of the following apply to you, do America a favor -- stay home on November 4th. But watch out for Diddy. He'll be mad.
You compare John McCain to Adolph Hitler.
Adolph Hitler was a raving psychopath who started the largest war in human history and personally implemented a system of genocide based on insane theories of racial supremacy. You may or may not agree with John McCain's position on National Health Care, but you can be pretty sure that he won't declare war on half the world, load Jews into boxcars and start scouring the world for the Lost Ark of the Covenant. If you, like Madonna, are incapable of distinguishing between someone whose policies you disagree with and one of the most unequivocally evil men in all of human history, you shouldn't be allowed near a voting booth, let alone inside one.
You think Barak Obama is a secret Muslim.
One of the more persistent bits of gossip around this election is the notion that Obama is some kind of crypto-Muslim fifth columnist who will establish a caliphate in the United States. This is because he spent part of his childhood in Indonesia, where he attended a local mosque. Since then, Obama has converted to Christianity, being baptized 1988, has been a member of the Trinity United Church of Christ for most of his adult life where he has repeatedly and publicly professed his Christian faith. Ask any Muslim, they'll tell you -- that's no Muslim.
You have more than one bumper sticker on your car
Have we as a nation become so desperate for attention that we must express ourselves to every stranger unlucky enough to be behind us during rush hour? New Rule: You get one sticker. One. Obama or McCain. For the Iraq war, or against it. Nuke the gay, unborn whales. It doesn't matter. You get one sticker. More than that, and you're just that
loud guy in line at the bank who thinks everyone else needs to hear his phone calls. (As a corollary, if don't vote in the election, you are officially banned from having any bumper-stickers at all. If you don't care enough cast a ballot box every four years, you are not allowed to lecture the world with your back-bumper.)
You think Sarah Palin didn't give birth to Trig Palin.
Surely, you've seen this one buzzing around the blogosphere, next to those warnings about spider eggs in bubble gum. The idea is that Sarah Palin, to avoid scandal, is only pretending that newborn baby Trigg is hers. The baby's "real mother" is supposedly her 17-year-old daughter, Bristol. Right. That makes sense. The Palins are trying to hide the fact that their daughter got pregnant by announcing to the world that's their daughter got pregnant -- after she already had the child. Clever. How are they going to explain it a few months when Bristol delivers?
You Chant
Democrat, Republican, Left or Right, it doesn't matter. Watching the political conventions the last few weeks, one thing has become abundantly clear: Chanting is creepy. Unless, of course, you're at a football game and chanting something cool like "De-fense, De-fense." Then it's good clean fun.
