TODAY IN SEX (9/02/08)

SEX ON THE BEACH
A British couple on trial for allegedly having sex on a Dubai beach asked the judge on Tuesday to be allowed to leave the country. Michelle Palmer and Vince Acors asked the judge for a "quick ruling" that would let them return to Britain. But Judge Hamad Abdul Jawad disregarded the request and scheduled another hearing for Sept. 9 so the policeman who arrested the couple could testify. If found guilty of getting busy on the beach, the pair could face two years in jail.

You know, because Dubai is one of those "liberal" Arab states.

BANG IT LIKE BECKHAM
Soccer ace David Beckham has reportedly turned to magic to score more with his wife, Victoria. Made by a company called Energy Muse, the beads come with a scroll promising the wearer will have better sex -- providing they chant every day. The 33-year-old LA Galaxy star was spotted wearing the necklace on his wrist at the opening of Gordon Ramsay's new restaurant in LA.

Okay, we don't claim to experts on the magic power of sex beads, but we can say that necklaces, generally, are supposed to be worn around your neck.

OH, YOU BEAUTIFUL DOLL
Police in Japan are embarrassed by an apparent murder that turned out to be an unusual case of mistaken identity. After a frantic call from a couple who had spotted a "corpse" while walking their dog in the woods, fifteen officers were dispatched to the scene. They found "a human form wrapped in plastic and tightly bound around the neck, midriff and ankles, with hair protruding from one end." The body was taken for examination and the crime scene secured by police. By mid-afternoon, the body was in the hands of police pathologists who discovered that it wasn't a decomposing corpse, but a discarded life-sized sex doll.

The sex doll's family could not be reached for comment. However, through friends, they have requested that the media respect their privacy in this very difficult time.