Well, it was fun while it lasted. But it doesn't look like Swine Flu is going to be the disaster so many people predicted. Humanity, probably because the Vice President warned everyone to stay off airplanes, seems likely survive the pandemic. Oh well.
So far, in fact, Swine Flu has taken a total of 20 lives around the world, with precisely one US death. Motor vehicle crashes, by comparison, kill about 40,000 people a year, 115 a day. Therefore, if you are washing your hands to avoid Swine Flu, but you don't wear a seat belt when you are driving, you are either a germaphobe, a victim of media hype or really, really bad at risk assessment.
In Mexico, as noted by the Associated Press and New York Times, there no shortage of flu-based humor. "Did you hear that Mexico has become a world power?" goes one joke. "When it sneezes, the whole world gets the flu." A (very bad) song called the "Influenza Cumbia," by the band Agrupacion Carino is climbing the charts, watch it here if you must.
The surgical masks that Mexicans have donned by the millions have become especially silly, decorated with painted-on mustaches, wrestler mask motifs and stuff like this, which you know the ladies just love:
This retouched version of the 20 peso note is reported to be one of Mexico's most passed around bits of (sorry for the awful pun) viral humor...
And, of course, the inevitable...
But the Grinder has a little Flu humor of our own.
Everyone know the A.A. Milne children's classic, Winnie-the-Pooh. But lately Pooh Bear has been seeing Piglet in a much different light...
On the subject of kids classics, they don't get much better than E.B. White's book, Charlotte's Web. But Charlotte's messages about Wilbur have gotten much less kind.
Finally, same as it ever was, Porky has the last word.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Ladies and gentlemen, please. Thrilled as we are by your support, we must ask fans to stop defacing public property --- and themselves --- just for the sake of the Grinder. Yes, it's a fine tribute when people plaster our logo all over the place, but we simply can't support vandalism, no matter how well-intentioned.
Also, we are going to have to discuss the tattoo situation, as with Ms. Jolie-Pitt here, That, missy, is a little thing called copyright infringement. We'll be expecting a check.
At first, it was no big deal. The Grinder logo just started showing up on a few city streets. Then it spread and spread...
Soon it was all over monuments and landmarks. Guess who got in trouble for all this defacing of world heritage sites? Yep. Yours truly. The Chinese were really pissed.
This one is a travesty and crime against history and all, but you have to admit that whoever did it has some serious pranking skills...
Pretty soon, though, it started getting weird. It's like some sort of time-warp was in effect. You know those famous prehistoric cave paintings in Lascaux, France? Well, we were just as surprised as you when the scientists found this:
We all know Leonardo's paintings are filled with hidden meanings, but this didn't make The DaVinci Code. Take a closer look at the arch in the background...
And then, mercifully, just in time for Monday morning, the acid finally wore off.
Feeling overwhelmed? Who could blame you? The economy is bad. The environment is screwed. We've got terrorists and rouge states going after nuclear weapons. Worst of all, most DVR's are painfully slow to respond to their remote control's commands, which is deeply annoying when you want to skip through commercials.
The hot debate lately at Grinder' HQ, in our fortified bunker deep under the Playboy Mansion, is whether humanity has any chance of survival. With the sky falling around us, is now the time to grab a bunch of Playmates, close the vault door and cut off contact with the outside world? To see if it's really gotten that bad, we did a little research on Google News. Turns out things are far, far worse than we thought.
There is the global financial crisis, of course, and worldwide food crisis. The North Korean missile launch sparked a crisis, even though the North Korean missile itself didn't actually launch. In Pakistan, there are two crisis; one over who will run the country, and a refugee crisis created by the Taliban war. The crisis in Kenya is getting worse, as is the crisis in the Congo. Nigeria is having a "religious crisis," which probably doesn't refer to a lot of people questioning their faith.
Moody's warns that Commerzbank faces a ratings crisis, much like "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles," which, by the way, ought to be renewed. The Ahmedabad Municipal Corporation, who build sewers in India, is accused of creating a "drainage crisis," which can't be good.
In case you thought things were okay at home, America has an energy crisis, climate crisis and credit crisis. Peter Young, columnist for the Milford Daily News, says there's a newspaper crisis. (Way to go, Pete. Top notch reporting.) The Council on Foreign Relations says America's oceans are in crisis, and Politico.com points out the "everyday crisis" of gun violence. Did we mention Mexican Drug Lords, Bumblebees and Identity Theft?
Of course, almost none of this will have the slightest effect on your daily life. Oops. Sorry. That doesn't sound very compassionate, does it? But it's true, nonetheless. Whatever happens in the battle for control of Kenya's government won't make the least bit of difference to 99.9% of anyone on the planet. Nor, for that matter, could that 99.9% have any effect on the situation should they be so inclined. The same goes for the Congo and Nigeria and whatever is happening with Commerzbank, wherever it may be.
Suppose there's a problem in the world beyond the normal, everyday catastrophes that flesh is heir to. Suppose (not that we are advocating this or anything) India and Pakistan go to war. Bad as that would be for people who live there, how much difference would it really make in your daily life? Be honest. Chances are, unless you have loved ones serving overseas, the answer is "not much." Suppose this India/Pakistan war broke out while you were on a camping trip, without a cellphone, far from the web and TV. You wouldn't even know the war started. Thousands could be dying in Kashmir while you are popping toes around a campfire.
Now, for whatever reason, just suppose you never hear about the war. Maybe you move to the wilds of Alaska for a year and, by the time you get back, people are talking about Darfur or Iran or whatever else the disaster de jour is. Here's the big question: if you've never heard about the war, didn't know anyone effected by it, and couldn't have done anything to stop it had you known, aren't you better off not knowing?
That, folks, is the crux of the crisis-crisis. Under the pretense of informing people, the ever-expanding global media creates an illusion of connectedness that becomes a self-perpetuating anxiety-making machine. Everyone has lots more information about the various disasters befalling humanity, but no one has any more control.
Which explains why we won't be grabbing some Playmates and sealing the bunker doors any time soon. (Instead we'll just be grabbing some Playmates.) Upon further review, things don't seem so bad. Or even that unusual. As The Who sang on "Another Tricky Day," this is no social crisis. This is you having fun.
What a weird day. First, you find this stunning headline on the front page of The New York Times:
Granted, you knew this was coming. But it was still shock to see the President of the United States pulling tubes in the Oval Office and asking reporters if anyone wants to check out the grow room in the White House basement. Quite naturally, you turn on the TV to find out more about the big news. That's when you get hit with this stunner on CNN:
Congress, citing budget shortfalls and the possibility of job loss, approved themselves a $93 billion-dollar congressional "bailout package" by a unanimous vote this morning. In addition to a 20% pay raise and increased benefits, some of the money will be used to build a system of private, covered walkways in Washington DC. The system, advocates say, is desperately needed for security and so that "members of Congress and their staffs don't have to look at the rabble."
After that, a guy could use a little distraction. Maybe get online and see what's happening the sports world. But not even that offers respite from the weirdness, when you see this story on ESPN.com
No one is exactly sure what happened, but through some freak of scheduling, cancellations due to weather and flight delays and general apathy, no sporting events of any kind are taking place today. Not one high school, college or pro basketball team is playing, no Spring Training baseball, no tennis, golf, track, soccer or even a spring football scrimmage. Two questions. Has anything like this ever happened before and could this story have anything to do with the one at the top of the page?
Chaka Khan broke out in the mid-70's with funk pioneers Rufus ("Tell Me Something Good") and went on to a successful solo career with hits like "Ain't Nobody", and "I'm Every Woman" The latter, famously covered by Whitney Houston, proving that the exact same song can be a hit in two different decades.
To celebrate the soul diva's birthday, this is "I Feel for You." Written by Prince, the song originally appeared on his 1979 self-titled album, and was Chaka's biggest hit in 1984. The opening rap, by Melle Mel, was one of the first bits of hip-hop flavor to find it's way to the suburbs -- a full two years before Run/DMC broke through with "Walk This Way."
