A lot of people hate Christmas music. But they are not good people. Someone who hates Christmas music is, most likely the same kind of person who will cut you off in traffic and then honk like it was your fault. Sure, radio stations shouldn't start playing 24-hour Christmas music THE DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN!!! But still. Christmas songs can not suck.

No, we are not talking about carols and bells, lush with strings and an all-boy choir. We mean the good stuff, the best that American popular music can offer. Next week, we will be looking at country Christmas classics. The week after, we'll finish with the best Christmas rock and roll. Right now, though, we are going to get funky, celebrating Yuletide tunes with a little bit of soul. The clip above, James Brown with "Soulful Christmas," got us started. That's the Godfather; the original "Hardest Working Man in Show Business," and probably the most ripped-off, um, that is, the most "sampled" artist in music history.





You might know this song from covers by The Eagles, Aaron Neville
or BonJovi, But this is the 1960 release, "Please, Come Home for Christmas"
performed by the man who co-wrote it; the great Charles Brown.




The horn section on Stevie Wonder'sWhat Christmas Means to Me sounds amazing. We miss the days when horns on records were actually, like, horns. Made of metal, with someone blowing air through them, not the synthesized samples that pass for brass these days.





It's "Christmas in Hollis," Run/DMC, off the first 'Very Special Christmas' album in 1987, and probably the first true Christmas rap. (As opposed to "Christmas wrap," which has been around much longer."





Usually, we love to hate Mariah Carey. But "All I Want for Christmas Is You" is an undeniable classic. The song, co-written by Carey and Walter Afanasieff, came out in 1994 and has since een covered by; Etta James, Toby Keith, B.B. King, My Chemical Romance, Pat Benatar, Willie Nelson and Luther Vandross. Among others.





We'll wrap it up and put on big bow on it checking out Snoop Dogg with, "Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto." Because gangstas need Season's Greeting, too. You've just got to love the lyric, "We passin' out gifts/ and blazing up spliffs." But we don't think Snoop is talking about Santa Claus when he says "Ho, ho, ho!"

EBAY ITEM WE WON'T BE BIDDING ON, VOL.4

When regular watermelon rind is just too darn tasty.

CHAD IS NOT RAD

In 2006, the moderately insane publicity hound and Bengals wide-receiver then known as Chad Johnson, said he wanted to be called "Ocho Cinco, " a reference to his jersey, #85. Chad was even fined $5,000 bucks by the NFL for putting the name on the back of a jersey before a game.

Last week, in what many thought was a joke, the wide-out formerly known as "Johnson" claimed to have legally changed his last name. He wasn't joking. Chad is now legally named "Chad Ocho Cinco," and the Bengals announced Thursday that they would "begin the process of listing the former Chad Johnson as Chad Ocho Cinco for all club business," including, yes, his jerseys.

Well, played Chad! Way to show the world that no one, not even Roger Goodell, can keep you from having a really stupid last name.

HOW TO GET INTO ANY NIGHTCLUB

These guys can get into any club, for free, without waiting. Nice! Sure, they're Australian nightclubs, but still.

SAVE FERRIS

If Ferris Bueller really was sick...