Textual Healing 01.05.2008

Salon writer Mark Benjamin says he would never drive an SUV because they are "unspeakably evil." He rides his bike to work and the neighborhood farmers' market, "where I buy locally grown produce." In the summer, he "cooks curry-cream squash soup in a solar-powered oven." But, somehow, this environmentalist ended up with an SUV in his driveway. Real Benjamen's tale of seduction here.

Israel's incursion into Gaza is all over the Op-Ed pages. James Carol in the Boston Globe echos the well-meaning, but vapid view of most editorials, claiming the United States can end violence in the Middle East by talking. "What is needed now," Carol says, "are firm messages from Washington," Oh, sure. That'll fix it. Max Boot of the Council of Foreign Relations takes a more pragmatic look at the war in the Wall Street Journal. Writing for The Atlantic, Robert Kaplan explores the connection between Hamas and Iran, arguing that Israel is really fighting a proxy war against the "Iranian empire." Bill Safire kinda, sorta makes the same point in the New York Times.

Speaking of the Times, Paul Krugman is threatening a "Great Depression II" if Congress doesn't pass Obama's economic plan quickly. This despite the fact that no one, including Obama himself, knows exactly what the plan will be. Op-Ed contributors Michael Lewis and David Einhorn have an idea that goes beyond Kurgman's call for more government spending. Wall Street will get better, they describe in painstaking detail, when investors demand better oversight from the SEC and more accurate bond ratings from Standard & Poor.

Fareed Zakaria eulogizes his friend and mentor Samuel Huntington, who died on Christmas Eve. Zakaria calls him "the greatest political scientist of the past half-century." We take issue with that, but the piece encapsulates the best of Huntington, which is very good indeed.

JockSniffing 01.05.2008

Does it seem like guys in the NHL have been getting a lot of Hollywood tail? First Elisha Cuthbert and Catherine Keener, then Hilary Duff. Now Carrie Underwood seems to have caught puck fever with the Ottawa Senators' Mike Fisher. JustJared reports that Underwood was seen at the Senators vs. Maple Leafs game in Toronto on Saturday, watching with Fisher’s family family from a skybox.



We all know what happened in the NFL this weekend; the Chargers beat the Colts, the Ravens stopped Miami. The Eagles beat the Vikings and Arizona beat Atlanta. But our questions are about broadcasters. One, isn't using Denny Green as a color man next to Marv Albert a little scary? No, not because Green doesn't know football, but because his voice reminds us of a guy who needs a voice-box to communicate after throat surgery. Also, who else was amazed to see Matt Millen, freshly fired from his decade-long run as the worst GM ever, providing analysis for NBC? Just when you thought NBC's studio panel couldn’t get any more smug.

Jay Mariotti is an arrogant blowhard who mistakes faux aggression for passion. But he is also an emblem of how sportswriting is changing in the digital age. After loudly leaving the Chicago Sun Times this fall, Mariotti has made his debut for AOL Sports, in a piece that explores why why he made the move and, in crystal clear detail, why newspapers are failing. Hint: It's their own fault.


Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the "Crab Dribble." (skip to the 50 sec. mark) Did that announcer really say "the normal two steps."

GearMania: Calendar Girls

2009 is here, but the Grind is looking back at 2008. Literally. We still haven't gotten a new wall calendar for the office. Despite all the wondrous Palm/Blackberry/iPhone schedule-making wizardry of the age, humanity still hasn't come up with a digital calendar that works better than the kind you hang on the wall.


According to Amazon.com, this Sarah Palin calendar is currently the best-selling calendar in the country. This strikes us as just a little weird. Palin's okay and all, but we like our pin-up models wearing just a bit less clothing.



Like, say, these girls. With all the weddings and whatnot, the old Girls Next Door gang seems to be breaking up. Take these last 12 months to celebrate Hef's babes in all their glory.



This Calendar Tape from Suck UK works as a calendar, diary, organizer and planner. Using two separate rolls and sticking them next to each other, you create each month in any day-and-date combination. Then slap it anywhere you want. The pack comes with a roll of sticky days, a roll of sticky dates and a marker pen.



For the desk set, the Urban Myth Calendar lets you decide if a "well-known fact" is really bunch of fiction. Wait! You mean there actually aren't spider eggs in Bubble Yum?



Do something nice for yourself and for an unfairly maligned breed of dog."Babes and Bullies" feature burlesque babes and pit bulls posing to raise money for breed-specific rescue.

BabeWatch... Tyra Banks

True Beauty, which premiers tonight, is selling itself as a show with in a show. Contestants compete in typical reality show shenanigans, but are secretly being graded on how they behave as human beings. From the advance clips, though, it looks like just another show for making fun of hot, young women acting badly. The show is a production of Ashton Kutcher, who clearly likes producing more than acting, and Tyra Banks, who, as any Joel McHale fans knows, is batshit crazy and a narcissist of biblical proportions. Who cares, though? She's one of the hottest women on the planet.

Today in Sex 1.05.2009

Barbie turns 50 next year and Mattel Inc. executives have begun a sweeping makeover of the doll’s marketing, says the Wall Street Journal. The goal is to make Barbie fashionable again with older girls, who are dropping her for other, edgier playthings like video games.

We all know what this means. By next Christmas, girls will be clamoring for "Bi-Curious Barbie."

The AP reports on a series of cell phone "soap operas" that deliver a safe-sex message. Nurse and educator Rachel Jones developed the education campaign, using professional actors and scripts based on focus groups. Women in the study will watch the 20-minute episodes on their cell phones.

We use our cellphone for sex education, too. Except that we usually shoot videos, not watch them.

The Bleacher Report picks up a story from South Africa about poor kids wearing condoms on their feet to keep their soccer socks up.

If they are wearing condoms on their feet, it begs the question, where do they wear their socks?

In more condom news, the New York Post reports that a German entrepreneur has applied for a federal trademark to use the Freedom Tower to market a line of condoms. The request now before the US Patent and Trademark Office has 9/11 families angry and the tower's owner, the Port Authority, scrambling to block it. The Munich-based marketer, Torsten Blueher, has applied separately to use the tower's name on dozens of other products.

At the Grind, we believe in freedom. We therefore believe this moron should have the right to sell whatever he wants. The rest of us have the right, and the duty, not to buy his morbid, disrespectful crap.