GearMania: Write On!

Today, Grinder is looking at the humble pen; mightier than the sword, yet needing to be chained down in most bank lobbies. Sure, you could go out and get yourself some pricey, gold-plated Mont Blanc limited edition, but we buy those and lose them all the time. Besides, we prefer pens that do more than just write. Check out these hyper-literate gizmos.

Above is the Mobile Digital Scribe, the first ever device to capture natural handwriting from any surface and store it for future use. Using ordinary ink to write on any paper, the Mobile Digital Scribe stores handwritten notes, memos or drawings for easy upload to your computer. No special digital notepad is required. If the Mobile Digital Scribe is connected to a computer, handwritten text and drawings ca be displayed directly on the computer screen.

Smartpen Livescribe is little different. It works like this: You turn on the pen and record whatever is being said in the room, taking notes on special paper you can buy or print out. Then, when you go back to check your notes, the pen will playback what was being said at the time you took them. (It makes a lot more sense if you watch the video.) Complicated, but we could see how Livescribe would be incredibly useful for students or people who take lot of notes in meetings.

The Covert Camcorder Pen Camera lets you see and hear. This James Bond-worthy video camera pen, with built-in 4GB of memory, provides 16 hours of audio/video recording and saves files in the popular, easily-to-edit AVI format. Oh yeah, and you can also write with it.

BabeWatch... Milla Jovovich

Today is Milla Jovovich's birthday and we can't think of a better way to celebrate than posting some pictures of the model/actress/not half-bad musician. Who didn't adore Milla in "The Fifth Element," wearing a costume that was little more than bunch of bandages? Who wasn't dazzled by her in the butt-kicking "Resident Evil" and its sequels? She might just be the sexiest comic book babe of all time (especially if you think that chick from Tomb Raider, whatshername, is wildly overrated.) Milla even sings, and made an album that doesn't entirely suck. Here's her take on the oft-covered Lou Reed song, "Satellite Of Love."

Back in 2006, Hilary Duff was quoted in Elle magazine saying she was a virgin. "But I absolutely did not say that," says the 21-year-old pop star. Duff is promoting a hits collection and getting publicity for the semi-racy video "Reach Out," one of two new songs on the album.

Though we aren't really fans of the smeared mascara/heroin-addled prom queen look she sports here, Hilary looks very, very good in the new vid. All growed up and whatnot. Our issue is with the song itself; a complete, unabashed rip-off of Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus."

Our fearless leader Hugh Hefner gave the TV show "Extra" a personal tour of the Playboy Mansion that aired yesterday. Hef was asked by Mario Lopez of all people, about his public breakups, the 55th Anniversary issue of Playboy, and the new biography, "Mr. Playboy." Hef, who gave unlimited access to his personal documents for the book, says it's "the most authoritative" thing ever written about him. Asked about the most shocking revelation, Hef said, "Probably an incident that occurred back in the late seventies where I almost swallowed a sex toy."

We love the book, obviously, and think everyone should rush right out and buy several copies. But we did skip over that part about choking on a sex toy. There are some things we just don't need to know

Drew Peterson, 54, is engaged again, his lawyer and publicist confirmed to FOXNews.com. The ex-cop, a suspect in the disappearance of his fourth wife Stacy and whose third wife died suspiciously in a bathtub, is planning to walk down the aisle a fifth time. Peterson's new fiancée is 23-years-old. Peterson, his lawyer and and publicist all refused to identify the lucky girl by name.

How this guy stays out of jail is a mystery to us. Also a mystery is what kind of women would marry a man suspected of killing his previous wives. The girl either thinks she is going to "save" Peterson or has suicidal tendencies. Another question; how will Peterson will be able to marry this new girl when he is still married to Stacy? Will he have to show police where the body is hidden in order to get a divorce? Lastly, is anyone else disturbed that Drew Peterson, an ex-cop famous for being a suspected murderer, has a publicist?

Hatin' On... Crybabies and Doomsayers

We are sick of hearing about the economy. No, not just because the wild, daily swings of the stock market are making us seasick, or because debates about bailouts are so incredibly complex and dull. We are sick of the economy because we are sick of listening to people whine about their sorrows and preach the impending doom of Western Civilization itself.

Yesterday, one so-called expert told Reuters that the economic downturn would result in "more crime, especially stealing." Timothy Fong, a psychiatrist at UCLA, also said we can expect "more workplace violence and more violence at the malls." Others predicted a rise in depression, drug use and anxiety which "might lead to violent behavior in stores."

What a load. To start with, the whole "more crime in a bad economy" argument is pseudo-Marxist crap. It's a theory proffered by those who think money is the sole determinant of human affairs; the kind who think that poverty "causes" crime. (Because, apparently, poor people are incapable of making moral choices.)

It's total BS. According to Canada's CBC, a 2006 criminology study found that rates for murder, rape and assault were actually "unaffected by changes in the business cycle." There is, however, a correlation between property crimes and economics: Property crimes go up when inflation does, because -- duh-- there is a bigger market for stolen goods. That's why crime rates dropped during the Great Depression compared to the much more prosperous Roaring '20s."

Speaking of the "Great Depression," this here ain't it. During the depths of the depression, recall, almost one-third of Americans were out of work, bread lines were common in most cities and half the Midwest dried up and blew away. The more we hear about today's woes being the "worst since the Great Depression," the sorrier we feel for ourselves and, not incidentally, the more we dishonor those who lived though the real thing.

All the complaining about economy is also deeply, profoundly ungrateful. Compared to the rest of the world, Americans, even those in dire straits today, still have a remarkably high standard of living. Most of us have plenty to eat. Most of us have heat and power. We have clothes to wear, even if we can't afford new stuff. Most of us are managing to keep our cell phones, for goodness sake. Yes, times are tough compared to a year ago. But let's not feel too sorry for ourselves. Millions of people across the Third World live in appalling slums; endless miles of corrugated tin shacks next to open sewers. They don't have enough clothing, food or even clean water. Listening to pampered Americans whine about our relatively minor sorrows is sad and galling.

America will become prosperous again, and it will happen the same way we became rich in the first place. Not from government handouts, nor by "flipping houses," or shuffling complex financial instruments. The only way back is hard work and innovation. Step one is to stop whining about it.

A lot of people hate Christmas music. But they are not good people. Someone who hates Christmas music is, most likely the same kind of person who will cut you off in traffic and then honk like it was your fault. Sure, radio stations shouldn't start playing 24-hour Christmas music THE DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN!!! But still. Christmas songs can not suck.

No, we are not talking about carols and bells, lush with strings and an all-boy choir. We mean the good stuff, the best that American popular music can offer. Next week, we will be looking at country Christmas classics. The week after, we'll finish with the best Christmas rock and roll. Right now, though, we are going to get funky, celebrating Yuletide tunes with a little bit of soul. The clip above, James Brown with "Soulful Christmas," got us started. That's the Godfather; the original "Hardest Working Man in Show Business," and probably the most ripped-off, um, that is, the most "sampled" artist in music history.





You might know this song from covers by The Eagles, Aaron Neville
or BonJovi, But this is the 1960 release, "Please, Come Home for Christmas"
performed by the man who co-wrote it; the great Charles Brown.




The horn section on Stevie Wonder'sWhat Christmas Means to Me sounds amazing. We miss the days when horns on records were actually, like, horns. Made of metal, with someone blowing air through them, not the synthesized samples that pass for brass these days.





It's "Christmas in Hollis," Run/DMC, off the first 'Very Special Christmas' album in 1987, and probably the first true Christmas rap. (As opposed to "Christmas wrap," which has been around much longer."





Usually, we love to hate Mariah Carey. But "All I Want for Christmas Is You" is an undeniable classic. The song, co-written by Carey and Walter Afanasieff, came out in 1994 and has since een covered by; Etta James, Toby Keith, B.B. King, My Chemical Romance, Pat Benatar, Willie Nelson and Luther Vandross. Among others.





We'll wrap it up and put on big bow on it checking out Snoop Dogg with, "Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto." Because gangstas need Season's Greeting, too. You've just got to love the lyric, "We passin' out gifts/ and blazing up spliffs." But we don't think Snoop is talking about Santa Claus when he says "Ho, ho, ho!"