We are not sure why, but it seems galling that the pilot hero of the Hudson River crash isn't talking to the press. Maybe
Chesley B. Sullenberger's silence is merely a function of protocol, and he's not allowed to speak until the FAA inquest is over. But he sure seems to have said nothing to no one. And it's jarring to have this man so conspicuously
not in the public eye. It feels wrong, in some American Idol-loving part of out souls that "Sully" isn't out doing talks shows; hitting Leno, Letterman, the View and Ellen, so everyone can have a look.
We hope that what looks like reticence turns out to be a complete disinterest in selling his fame; i.e. hitting the lecture circuit, having a talk show of his own, getting on the cover of a Wheaties box and, of course, writing a book. It's nice to see someone shying away from publicity for once. But we'll admit that Sullenberger's safe landing on the Hudson would make for better reading than all the books we have gathered below. Put together. These may be the worst, most pointless celebrity autobiographies of all time. In a society awash in tell-alls promising the inside story, these books are proof that the outside story is usually more than enough.
"Life with My Sister Madonna" by Christopher Ciccone. By which he means "life nowhere near my sister Madonna."
"A Promise to Ourselves." You know, the problem with
Alec Baldwin is we just don't see enough of him. Not in the movies, and on "30 Rock" and "Saturday Night Live," or the endless awards shows and functions at which he speaks. Thank goodness Baldwin decided to write a memoir of his harrowing divorce. We didn't read it. We just set it on the shelf, with kind eyes staring down. It's makes us feel all safe and warm inside to know he's there.
We could Google it, but, truthfully, we have absolutely no idea who Eddie Large is, and we are alright with keeping it that way. Okay, okay, he's
here.
"Monica Speaks!" because, up until now, she's always had something in her mouth.
"Hitman" by Bret Hart. Bret is a professional wrestler and his autobiography has "hit" in the title. It's a pun, see? Sort of like a play on words. Genius, isn't it?
The less interesting half of the three-hit wonder R&B act, Salt n' Pepa, is Sandy Denton. She says "Let's Talk About Pep." Here's another idea. Let's not.
David Hasselhoff has written
"Making Waves, The Autobiography,"seen here and "
Don't Hassel the Hoff: The Autobiography." That's two.
Two books about Hasselhoff, by Hasselhoff. There is no joke we could make that would be funnier than that.
